the wrong side of the bed

all of this work i have been doing for the union has been only partly out of my commitment to the labor movement. a good portion of it is self-preservation. i want my future contract to be good, you know? interestingly, all of this presupposes my future employment as a graduate assistant. considering that the "feeler" emails went out today for TA positions in sociology, and i didn't get one, i'm not so sure that is a safe assumption. what can i do other than teach? there aren't many options for qualitative researchers. could i beg a job from the survey center? they absolutely hate me there, but they almost kept me on despite my horrible first year.

i have been waiting a long time to finally get kicked out of this program. i'm certainly not a good grad student. the problem is, i don't know if i will leave until someone tells me that i don't belong here. they always say that one way they try to get rid of grad students they don't like is to cut off their funding. is this finally going to happen to me? why can't someone just say so? "dorotha go away."

fifth grade sucked, but i knew where i stood with those kids. they hated me. plain as day.