the wrong side of the bed

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

how do they do it, after all these years?

dear frog and toad,

why do i alienate everyone?

dorotha harried
1:57 PM | link | (8) comments

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

never date a sociologist

when i was 20 and i worked at a toy store, my manager told me, my friend lisa, and my friend aubrey that we should "never marry an artist." at the time i was dating a painter, lisa was dating a sculpter and is herself a painter, and aubrey had a long string of artists under her belt. we all exclaimed that it was just the particular painter that she was married to that was the problem, but she seemed to think that being a bad partner (especially selfish and ill-equipped for reality? that's what her husband was like) was a necessary characteristic of a good artist. what do sociologists do that make us bad partners? is there some reason we should be approached with caution? perhaps a tendency to overanalyze things? a certain annoying pessimism about the state of the world? an inability to enjoy anything? do we ask too many questions? can we not leave well enough alone? are these just traits i have?

can you pick the young sociologist out in this crowd?
12:20 PM | link | (10) comments

Monday, August 29, 2005

It was a maudlin thought, so I passed the time dwelling on it, for I've always considered maudlin to be one of the truer ways of feeling.

the title is a quote from The Final Confession of Mabel Stark: A Novel. is maudlin a way to feel? sometimes, i guess, i feel maudlin. or do i react to things in a maudlin way?

i feel like i don't understand this word. i feel like i must feel this way a lot. is my life full of regrets? then i am probably being maudlin. maybe my life is not full of regrets. i think it might not be.
10:53 AM | link | (0) comments

Saturday, August 27, 2005

sloppy seconds

i know that ang and gwen have both already raved about the 40 year-old virgin, but i would like to join them in praising this movie. this film makes me wish i had never had sex (sorry to anyone i have ever had sex with, it is no reflection on you). waiting can be good and this movie makes it feel very good.
5:20 PM | link | (1) comments

Friday, August 26, 2005

this shocks me more than anyone

i am well known in my department for my dislike of testicles. watching Pom Poko has changed that. please read more about tanuki. i need you to see why i have gained respect for a particular piece of male anatomy that, in the past, i often maligned.
in this image, though it is difficult to see, tanuki are using their, um, scrotum, as parachutes. truly remarkable!
1:46 PM | link | (2) comments

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

i will get me some babes! i don't care what i have to do!!!!

thanks to madison's coreweekly, i now have the phrase "bitch shield" in my vocabulary. it is not unlike the phrase cock block, but seems more deliberate on the part of the woman in question. so, a bitch shield is "what an attractive woman uses to fend of potential suitors who don't live up to her high standards." i don't know if a woman deploys her own bitch shield or if a friend can throw one up that will protect the attractive woman. if it is the latter, i would like to offer my services to the hot women of madison as a bitch shield for hire.

i have also picked up these tips on flirting with women. i like #8 the best.
12:59 PM | link | (3) comments

come here, lover boy

since ang took it, i did, too. i'm such a follower. some of these results seem accurate, some seem ridiculous. i'm sweet? yeah, right.

i am a window shopper. the website recommends this: "Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs." funny. my longest relationship was with an artist. and i do love me some pessimistic, self-involved booty. rworrr!
9:52 AM | link | (4) comments

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

songs about busses

i am afraid of the bus. i don't like pulling the cord. i don't like getting on. i don't like picking a seat. i don't like deciding which door to leave through. people think riding the bus is easy. they don't understand. i am afraid of the bus. in a big way. i feel stressed right now just thinking about the bus.

i have asked jon to help me learn to ride the bus from my apartment to the psych building. i just want to know how to do this one thing. he doesn't understand why it is so difficult. jon does not have a panic disorder. he doesn't understand why i need him to help me.

i know you hate it when i post song lyrics. i am doing it anyway. which of these songs, do you think, will be most like my bus riding experience? you know, should i ever actually get on the bus.

Another One Rides The Bus - Weird Al Yankovic

Ridin' in a bus down the boulevard,
And the place was pretty packed.
Couldn't find a seat, so I had to stand,
With the perverts in the back.
It was smellin' like a locker room.
There was junk all over the floor.
We're already packed in like sardines,
But we're stoppin' to pick up more.
Look out!

Another one rides the bus-ah.
Another one rides the bus-ah.
And another comes on,
And another comes on.
Another one rides the bus.
He's gonna sit by you.
Another one rides the bus.

There's a suitcase pokin' me in the ribs.
There's an elbow in my ear.
There's a smelly old bum standin' next to me.
Hasn't showered in a year.
Well, I think I'm missin' a contact lens.
I think my wallet's gone.
And I think this bus is stoppin' again,
To let a couple more freaks get on.
Look out!


The window doesn't open, and the fan is broke,
And my face is turnin' blue.
I haven't been in a crowd like this
Since I went to see The Who.
Well, I should'a got off a couple miles ago,
But I couldn't get to the door.
There isn't any room for me to breathe.
Now we're gonna pick up more, yeah!


Bus To Beelzebub - Soul Coughing

Get on to the bus,
That's gonna take you back to Beelzebub,
Get on to the bus,
That's gonna make you stop going rub a dub,

Your words burn the air,
Like the names of candy bars,
Your mouth is cold and red,
All in rings around your,
Laugh laughing laughs,

It's a grind grind,
It's a grind,
It's a grind grind,

I'll scratch you raw,
L'etat c'est moi,
I drink the drink,
And I'm wall to wall,
I absorb trust like a love rhombus,
I feel I must elucidate,
I ate the chump with guile,
Quadrilateral I was,
Now I warp like a smile,

Yellow no. 5,
Yellow no. 5, 5, 5,

Voulez-vous the bus?

Hell Greyhound Bus Ride - Wesley Willis

It's Wednesday, April 2, 1997, at 12:00 PM
I took a Greyhound bus to Des Moines, Iowa
It was a six-hour profanity demon hellride
At 6:00 PM, the Greyhound bus arrived at the Des Moines bus station
Two of my music fans picked me up and drove me to Fort Dodge, Iowa

Hell Greyhound bus ride
Hell Greyhound bus ride
Hell Greyhound bus ride
Hell Greyhound bus ride

At 2:00 PM on Friday, April 4, 1997, I went on a radio show joyride
I whipped out my Technics KN3000 keyboard and sung four rock songs on 88.1 KICB
At 6:30 PM, I rode with my friends to Knights of Columbus for sound checking
At 9:30 PM, I got up on stage and sung twenty rock songs in front of 200 rock fans


At 11:20 AM on Saturday, April 5, 1997, I caught the Greyhound bus to Chicago, Illinois
The Greyhound bus left Des Moines, Iowa at 11:30 AM
It was an eight-hour profanity demon hellride without music
At 7:30 PM, the Greyhound bus arrived at the Chicago bus station
I then got off the intercity bus and yelled like a stupid fool


Kinkos, it's the new way to office

Wheels On The Bus

The wheels on the bus go round and round,
round and round,
round and round.
The wheels on the bus go round and round,
all through the town.

The wipers on the bus go Swish, swish, swish;
Swish, swish, swish;
Swish, swish, swish.
The wipers on the bus go Swish, swish, swish,
all through the town.

The horn on the bus goes Beep, beep, beep;
Beep, beep, beep;
Beep, beep, beep.
The horn on the bus goes Beep, beep, beep,
all through the town..

The money on the bus goes, Clink, clink, clink;
Clink, clink, clink;
Clink, clink, clink.
The money on the bus goes, Clink, clink, clink,
all through the town.

The Driver on the bus says "Move on back,
move on back, move on back;"
The Driver on the bus says "Move on back",
all through the town.

The baby on the bus says "Wah, wah, wah;
Wah, wah, wah;
Wah, wah, wah".
The baby on the bus says "Wah, wah, wah",
all through the town.

The mommy on the bus says "Shush, shush, shush;
Shush, shush, shush;
Shush, shush, shush."
The mommy on the bus says "Shush, shush, shush"
all through the town.
10:24 AM | link | (8) comments

Monday, August 22, 2005


one reader was confused by my last post. that is understandable. i didn't provide any context along with the lyrics to the partridge family theme song. here is the story:

i've been very sad lately. very sad. for about three weeks. lots of friends moving, lots of feelings of insecurity, huge amounts of self-loathing, and then the prelim. which i failed. the prelim isn't what made me so sad, it just added to it. i ordered the lu ann platter of depression, and failing the prelim was the overcooked broccoli on the side.

anyway, a friend called me as i was walking across the Group Health Cooperative parking lot on my way to see the woman who prescribes my meds. we got in a fight, so i showed up to the appointment sobbing. suddenly, all of my prescriptions were increased! she said i may feel out of it for a while; i wanted to ask for a soma vacation.

posting the "c'mon get happy!" lyrics was more of a command to myself.

anyway, i am doing better now. um, but toys do cheer me up. and i just made room for more playmobil.
9:56 AM | link | (1) comments

Saturday, August 20, 2005

freak that i am

Hello, world, here the song that we're singin'
C'mon get happy!
A whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringin'
We'll make you happy!

We had a dream, we'd go travelin' together,
We'd spread a little lovin' then we'd keep movin' on.
Somethin' always happens whenever we're together
We get a happy feelin' when we're singing a song.

Trav'lin' along there's a song that we're singin'
C'mon get happy!
A Whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringin'
We'll make you happy!
We'll make you happy!
We'll make you happy!
1:25 PM | link | (2) comments

Friday, August 19, 2005

dorotha, how would you, in one word, describe your current mood?

11:26 PM | link | (2) comments

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

smell of fear

angela recently posted that she is trying to appreciate life for what it is, which in her words is a big fucking mess. i appreciate the attempt on her part, but don't know how i myself would execute such a fundamental change in my character. i have been dissatisfied for my entire life. it defines me.

changing myself is scary. i don't know if i can do it. aren't i still young? am i already too set in my ways?
9:05 AM | link | (0) comments

Sunday, August 14, 2005


what are you supposed to do on a sunday if you are depressed and have no cable? seriously? i'm unwilling to get dressed and go to the video store. all that is on TV today is auto racing. i actually checked online for the schedules of the local TV stations. that is a desperation that i do not even want to think about. do i have to watch the x-men over and over again? if i have to, i will.

i just ate a lot of baked cool ranch doritos and drank a diet coke with cherry for breakfast. things could not be starting off worse.
9:45 AM | link | (6) comments

different and the same

when i was younger, my older sister and i were very much alike. i was a fatter version of her, delayed a few years, but following the same path. we used to be close in the way that meant that we finished each other's sentences and would accidently wear the same shirt when we went places together. through some deliberate younger-sister-complex changes, i altered my appearance so we looked even more different (being the fat one of the pair isn't always the best way to be distinguished). then we began to make decisions with our lives that took us in disimilar directions. now she is married, has a seven year old son, has just sold her second house and bought her third, and doesn't have time to sit down and realize that she doesn't know if she is doing the right things in her life. i am 29 and have nothing to show for it except a large collection of toys (mostly made in sweatshops, thanks for asking). i have nothing but time to sit down and think about what i am doing with my life.

how do you think about your life? how do you know what to do? i am down lately, so it seems like i have never been happy. this makes it difficult to think about doing something that would make me happy. how do you know? what does happy feel like?
9:02 AM | link | (3) comments

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

behind the curve

i'm cleaning out my office for my move to psych. i found some information on anxiety that i printed out a while back. here's one of my favorite things from the APA website:

How Long Does Treatment Take?

Much of the success of treatment depends on your willingness to carefully follow the outlined treatment plan. This is often multifaceted, and it won't work overnight, but if you stick with it, you should start to have noticeable improvement within about 10 to 20 weekly sessions. If you continue to follow the program, within one year you will notice a tremendous improvement.

um, i guess i can't follow directions or something. i have had anxiety problems for as long as i can remember. the website says they develop in early young adulthood. i guess, while i was a late bloomer in most regards, i hit anxiety-arche at 5 years of age. the fact that i still suffer from panic attacks makes me think that i have not had the "willingness" necessary to complete the treatment. because i'm about 23 years overdue for my "tremendous improvement."
1:47 PM | link | (0) comments

re: henry

i told henry that i was sad today and that i needed cheering up something fierce. he responded with a page of links just for me. he gave me some pictures, too.

henry knows how much i love a good picture of a scary doll. this is terrifying and wonderful. i don't know whether to laugh or cry.
1:05 PM | link | (1) comments


it is upsetting to only be good at a few things, but to really only be mediocre at them when you really sit down to think about it.
10:54 AM | link | (0) comments

Monday, August 08, 2005


cyndi lauper is, in my opinion, the most beautiful woman on earth. yes, i resemble her in no way. no, i have no desire to wear as much make-up as she does. whose got the time for that? sheesh.
9:48 AM | link | (0) comments

awkward, unsteady

i feel so ugly compared to normal girls. yesterday, already feeling pretty self-pitying (an annoying trait of mine. why don't you beat me up about it? i'd surely enjoy that.) i went shopping with three friends. these girls are considerably girlier than me, but this isn't hard to accomplish. i exude... nothing. maybe gender ambiguity. sometimes (a lot of the time) my goal is to look like a thirteen year old skater boy (sigh), but i don't really pull that off. other times i just want to blend in with the other girls. my friends have told me that i come off as pretty androgenous (mostly when j and i are having arguments about which of us is more butch or femme) and pretty asexual. mostly i am okay with this, but a day of shopping can make me feel kinda low. why don't i look like a normal girl? why do i still feel awkward about this after 29 freaking years? why can't i be pretty, like my friends?

i'm not trying to get you to tell me that i am pretty. please, don't comment and say that you think that i am attractive. what i really don't understand is why i can't seem to muster up some sort of appreciation for how i look. some sort of freaking self-confidence. if you feel compelled to comment, give me some kinds of tips about self-esteem. what do you do when you feel icky about yourself? does it work?
9:07 AM | link | (5) comments

Friday, August 05, 2005

all kinds of crazy

i'm not feeling to well. two big panic attacks today. i already took the prelim. why am i freaking out so much today.

i'm tired now. i feel weird. i don't like having panic attacks.
10:48 PM | link | (2) comments


so, while i was installing wiscworld on jeremy's computer, which he is kindly continuing to let me use, even though he soon to be away, i watched x-men for the millionth time. i noticed a couple of new things this time round that i hadn't seen before. one was a stupid reference to kicking wolverine in the nuts that later becomes important in providing wolverine with the proper motivation he needed to best mystique in combat (stupid! stupid!). the other was that, while fighting, mystique seemed like she really could have used a sports bra. i'm not particularly busty (at all), so i didn't really notice before, cuz i just don't think about breasts in terms of the occassional discomfort that they cause their owners. but, she looked kind of... uncomfortable. anyway, mystique looks nothing like she is supposed to. she's supposed to have some weird piece of skull jewelry in the middle of her forhead. she's supposed to have a belt of tiny skulls. she's supposed to wear clothing. yeah. i dunno. i'm including pictures of both of them.
8:15 PM | link | (3) comments

Monday, August 01, 2005

our phone lines are open

thank you to the anonymous caller who helped put face and head picking (insert clanging sound here) behind bars. putting bandaids on my fingers has been very helpful. unfortunately, i took them off just long enough to make myself bleed.
2:21 PM | link | (1) comments

hurts don't it?

i wish i could just post one loooooong wail followed by a moan or two and possibly a disgusted grunt.

i'm going to try not to cause myself bodily harm today. i may have to tape my arms to my sides.

(for those not in the know, my prelim is tomorrow)
7:36 AM | link | (2) comments