the wrong side of the bed

Saturday, July 31, 2004

of no interest to you

yes, i am a child of the 80's. so? it just means that i have a lot of clutter in my head about Alf and Keds. that's my cross to bear, quit making fun of me! anyway, nina has a coupla posts about tonight's blue moon, and i'd like to add to this discussion by reminding everyone that Smurfs are only born when there is a blue moon.* be on the look out tonight. i hear you can use those little guys to make gold.

*episode #62
5:11 PM | link | (4) comments

the night is young, and it is only the morning

the terror of being back in my real life seems a bit crushing right now. what to do with myself? first things first, i guess. groceries, pick up my mail, things like that. but after? i started a book. i have some school related stuff to do. i could begin to pack for my move. first things first, right? shower, dress, out the door...
9:14 AM | link | (0) comments

Thursday, July 29, 2004

goodbye george bush international airport, hello dane county regional airport!

yesterday mom and i went to the new grocery store in the woodlands (a real hometown tm.).  for non texans, this won't make sense, but it is almost like H.E.B. Central Market in austin.  i was hoping that it would sell organic meat, and it does have a small selection, but not quite as much as i wanted.  mom and dad started eating meat again.  dad was practically vegetarian for about five years and they never had much around the house, but then my parents started doing the whole atkins thing and it started showing up with a vengance.  i figure that my parents have a substantial enough financial cushion that they should be buying organic when they can.  so, mom and i thoroughly inspected the meat section of the store.  they had organic buffalo, lamb, pork, and ostrich, but no organic beef that we could find.  they also had rattlesnake.  i have never in my days seen rattlesnake meat.  it was a lot bigger than would have been expected - as thick as my forearm!  it was $23.99 a pound.  i think i wouldn't recommend eating rattlesnake unless you were out in a desert with a gun and really needed some food. 

the store also had an interesting international foods section.  most grocery stores just have some asian and latin american stuff, but they had foods from central africa (lots of yam flour), poland, and south america that i had never seen before.  it was fun wandering around there.  i have to say, i'm not as much of a foodie as my friends, but i really do enjoy eating new things.  i especially want to try central african cuisine now. 

anyway, continuing our international theme, mom and i are going to the NEW! houston ikea tonight.  the old ikea in houston was one of the smallest, and this one will have a much bigger selection, including fabric.  i'm pretty excited.  i feel so predictable, but i really like scandanavian design.

tomorrow i fly back to madison from the intercontinental airport in houston, reccently renamed for our former prez.  i feel a little bit icky every time i am there.  i will just be passing through, so hopefully no bush cooties will rub off on me.  it is bad enough that i share a birthplace with W, but did those bush's have to ruin texas, too? 

is anyone available to pick me up from the madison airport tomorrow afternoon?
8:55 AM | link | (2) comments

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

to the girl with the red hair

yeah, awhile back someone objected to anonymous people that i don't know commenting on my blog.  thing is, if i didn't want that, i wouldn't have enabled anonymous comments.  please don't be scared away by my friend "v" if you read her comment about this.  i am dying for attention and will take whatever i can get. 
5:49 PM | link | (5) comments

dear mr. & mrs. troublemaker

one (or both!) of my parents has been reading my blog.  i know this because i am using my parents computer right now.  i was deleting traces of my blog from their internet history so that my mom wouldn't stumble across this.  someone has been reading the blog from their computer as far back as three weeks ago!  i was in madison three weeks ago.  hmmm... which one of them is doing this?  my mom denies reading my blog. is she lying to me?  i've never asked my dad directly.  is it him?  readers, what should i do?  i can start publicly revealing horrible facts about them until they come forward.  or maybe i could just cut all of the swearing from my blog and live with it, even though that would be crappy (that's right mom, i said crappy).  my brother claims that he doesn't read my blog either, but i don't know what to believe anymore. 
5:41 PM | link | (4) comments

still in texas

i didn't have an internet connection for a few days because i was hanging out on the beach with my family.  it was both fun and terrifying.  my mom has eight siblings.  she is the third oldest, and cassidy, monkey-boy, and i are considerably older than most of our cousins. our few days at the beach were completely dominated by the shouting and frolicking of children between the ages of 5 and 13.  we barely slept and as a result of lack of sleep and general hubub, i had about 4 panic attacks.  but, it was still a blast.  my nephew, simon, was a riot, as usual.  some of my mom's siblings with older kids (14 through 23) stayed in a "fishing cabin" in another town.  on the way home from the fish fry at the cabin, simon was bored, and invented this game in which we had to imagine things that would make it MORE dangerous if he were flying a plane.  so, besides having a five year old without a pilot's license at the controlls, we came up with having broken glass on the seat, honey on the steering wheel, miniature ferries giving off icky exhaust at the back of the plane, and something that my brother suggested that i can't remember. 

4:47 PM | link | (0) comments

Friday, July 23, 2004

don't know when i'll be back again

i'm leaving for TX in a few minutes. the shirt i am wearing this morning has three different stains, but i am not concerned. stains don't really bother me. it's just a t-shirt anyway. i do feel a bit odd because, when i was a kid, my mother used to make us dress up for plane trips. since we never went to church, i suppose that the nicest close i had were my "airplane best". i'm leaving my tiny hovel tidier than i normally keep it, but by no means is it clean. maybe without my slovenly ways, my apartment will slowly straighten itself up, everything moving to a slightly more acceptable position, with all the stealth of toys come to life in the middle of the night.
4:22 AM | link | (1) comments

Thursday, July 22, 2004


on the way to the union, i saw a woman in her 40's wearing bright pink pants, a red shirt, and vivd orange hair piled up on top of her head. she wasn't terribly attractive. she wasn't arty like katherine papadapolis (from "webster"). she was just a normal person with a lot of color going on. it was fantastic.
12:38 PM | link | (0) comments

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

you know my name, you know my number, too

so, pretty much everyone who reads this blog read's jeremy's too, right? yeah, that's what i figured. the two of you who don't might find this amusing. where am i on this wheel of anonymity?
8:48 PM | link | (1) comments

we gotta get out while we're young

yesterday, i received a letter in the mail addressed to "the parents of Dorotha L. Harried".  i haven't gotten a letter like that in years.  i guess at 28 i am sufficiently self-reliant that most organizations deal directly with me.  i think this is a mistake.  i am not really able to stand on my own yet.  this is why i am running home this week, tail between my legs and beaten down.    my mother will pat me on the head and attempt to feed me back into good mental health.  (this has never worked in the past, but maybe this time... )  while home, i will make jokes to my parents about an offer they made a few years ago, inviting me to move back home should i ever need to.  i often tell my parents that if "things" don't work out, i am going to move home and live in the attic.  i like to think about living in the attic because it is quite small and infested with squirrels, wasps, and cockroaches (we live in a forest).  there are no windows and the floors are unfinished, but i think i could make a nice little home up there.  my parents could give me their old newspapers and i could rip them up for nesting materials.  perhaps i can get them to wire the attic for a doorbell.  there is a full-sized door leading from my bedroom closet to the attic.  i could insist that my parents change the address plaque outside our house to read "6A" and i could put one up in the closet that says "6B".  at night, i would steal food from the kitchen.  in the winter, my mom will bake potatos and i will carry them in my coat pockets to keep my hands warm.  in the summer, i will lie across my favorite wooden planks, listening to the wasps build nests while the heat threatens to smother me.
2:34 PM | link | (6) comments

i quit, i give up

someone sent all of the union officers an email this morning alerting them to my incompetence in my position.  it is a volunteer position  and i do suck at it and i am resigning as soon as we can find someone to fill the spot.  it is a job that requires attention to detail and i have none.  it isn't as if i tend to look at the "big picture" either.  in fact, i don't know what i am paying attention to.  do i spend my days looking out windows?  maybe just looking at windows.
9:45 AM | link | (9) comments

Monday, July 19, 2004

harvey dent

yesterday i went to the pride march and, like two-face, i am now marked on half of my face. it is quite odd, but somehow, in the three hours that i was milling around the capital watching drag queens and queer teens, i managed to only get sunburned on the left side. a sign of my inner evil perhaps? a sinister, hidden core that his leaked out, deceptively hiding itself as scarring from the sun.

i was thinking this morning that perhaps it is time that i develope a secret life and an alternate identity. oh, many of you may think i have already done this, but no. i am just dorotha. you get what you get with me. i am straight forward. i lie, but i will tell you that i have lied. i follow my own consistent ethical belief structure to the best of my abilities, and that is obvious, too. but, i think this is getting boring. i think, like harvey dent, i would like the nice bits and the evil bits to separate, but more completely than dent. perhaps the good part of me could do my daily tasks like a friendly, trustworthy, civic minded automaton. when i am home alone, my evil side could come out and write nasty, scathing emails under false identities. or i could draw terrible, viscious, disturbing comics tearing apart my friends and loved ones. if i left the house, i could skulk through the streets with rotting cabbage in my pockets. i would knock out my own teeth and leave them in people's mailboxes. i would hex local business. i would fail to recycle. i would curse in front of children. i would walk up to strangers and demand they shake my hand.
10:28 AM | link | (2) comments

Friday, July 16, 2004

of no consequence to you

i have had no caffeine today. okay, i have had two small pieces of chocolate, but compared to a normal day, that's nothing! this is part of my 100% awesome new campaign for mental health, or something like that.
11:42 PM | link | (2) comments

the sun ain't yellow, it's chicken

my brother-in-law saw this article and thought of me. it is outrageous and terrible that you can be charged with cowardice in our military and that the punishment can be death. it sounds absurd, no?

i can't tell you how relieved i am that panic disorders are not punishable by death in the sociology department. i suppose i wouldn't be alive today if they were.
10:08 PM | link | (0) comments

hey, where have you been?

hum. there isn't enough going on in my life since i made the decision not to take the prelim. mostly i sit around and feel odd and unsure. otherwise, i hang out with friends with a desperation that i can only hope is not apparent. i have things i could do, but i don't seem to do them. i don't know why i waste so much of my time.

my grandmother is turning 90 next weekend. my family is having a party for her in la grange, tx. i've decided to go home. why not?
3:15 PM | link | (4) comments

Thursday, July 15, 2004

meandering a bit this time, i'm afraid

i don't know what the problem is, but i haven't felt like posting for a couple of days now. i try to come up with bloggable things, but when i begin to compose them in my head, they go nowhere. my friend carey is on my case becasue she wants a blog shout out (she barely even reads my blog, but whatevs). i walk with carey and lisa weekday mornings. carey told me that today she was trying to be extra interesting so that she might make a blog appearance. i had thougth about writing a post about something she said today and also another day and told her so. she was excited. what i wanted to post about was how a word she uses to mean "something icky" is the same thing that my brother called his imaginary friend when he was but a child. we tried to figure out how to spell it.

carey: i imagine that it is spelled G-O-O-J... definitely not with a U. then it would sound to much like "gyuge".
me: yes, and people might confuse it with gouge. or pronounce it "g-ewe-owe-j"
carey: shut up! i think my spelling is a good spelling! anyway, that's the same way that i would spell "mooj".
me: what's that mean?
carey: you know when you go "merp" to someone. [while saying "merp" she is poking me in the arm]
me: ah, yes. that explains everything. just like when you go "merp" to someone.
carey: shut up!
me: you are a crazy person.

anyway, i guess i am going to spell gooj g-o-o-j for this post. my brother had an imaginary friend named gooj when he was a kid. gooj was a police officer and stood about 2 feet high. he had a son named gooja. i couldn't see gooj and gooja, but our neighbor jonathan could. i was very jealous because the four of them would often play together. i also thought there was something defective about my imagination because i saw right through their imaginary friend. i just couldn't believe.
3:12 PM | link | (3) comments

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

you may already be a winner

almost four years ago, my friend jay and i decided to have a contest to befriend katy. okay, so the contest was my idea and i set all the terms, but i have to say that when i won, i really won. i mean, it was great beating jay and all, but the real reward was katy's friendship. we had breakfast together today at marigold's and after she bought me scallions for the small dinner party i am having tonight. not just anyone will buy a girl much needed scallions just because they are friends. so, thanks katy!

while we were eating, i saw another friend of mine. she is a primatologist. of late, i have not much cared to hang out with her because she is so judgemental of my life. she talks a great deal about what i eat and how unhealthy i am. she is always telling me what i should and shouldn't do. true to form, not only did she mention food while we were talking ("after eating here i really can't eat for the rest of the day!"), but she also took me to task for not calling her or our friend lucy ("you really should email lucy. and why don't you ever go to parties at the co-op? you really should."). so, another thanks to katy for not once telling me what i should or shouldn't do during our breakfast together. thanks, katy!
10:31 AM | link | (8) comments

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

little boy blue and the man in the moon

i complain about my dad an awful lot. remember the post where i say that i had always wished he was gay and closeted so that it would explain his generally jerky attitude? or the one in which i call my dad an ass for making my family listen to the sex scene in an audio book while driving them to dinner? or how about when i lament my pop's lack of phone skills? or when i wish my dad were out of town so i wouldn't have to talk to him? yeah. i complain a lot about my dad. truth be told, my dad is a pretty good one. both my parent's are. you really couldn't ask for better.* i just bitch a lot. it is part of my schtick.

anyway, my dad did something really sweet. yesterday i got a card from him in the mail. usually he sends me cards for major holidays, but this he sent because i have been having so many panic attacks lately. the card is one he got for free for donating to habitat for humanity. on the front is a cartoon dog carrying books and an apple on his/her head. it reads, "Anything I can do to help?" and on the inside, "Just holler and I'll be there!" and my dad wrote, "Hi Dorotha. Let us know if you need anything. I saw this book review and it looked like it would fit into your studies. Love Mom & Dad." i know it was just from my dad because it is his handwriting and because i asked my mom about it and she didn't know he sent it. the book review he included (one he already made me read the last time i went home) is on Evolution's Rainbow: Diversity, Gender, and Sexuality in Nature and People by joan roughgarden, and it does not really fit into my studies, but since my dad reads only science magazines (he's a chemist) this is about as close as he is gonna get. it is the sweetest card my dad has ever sent me. i've been showing it to everyone all day long. the funny thing is, because my dad is usually not so warm and fuzzy, i don't even know how to thank him for the note. i guess i will just have to be brave and come out and say it.

dad, if you are reading this blog, thanks.

* okay, the only thing i would change about how my parent's treated me as a kid is that i wished they hadn't called me Rain Man. it was scarring.
3:45 PM | link | (3) comments

Monday, July 12, 2004

raindrops on roses and all that rot

nina has reminded me that i am a supposed champion of the underdog. i should hope that is true. she argues that, at least of late, "nice" is the underdog. if it truly is, i have to say that i still dislike nice things. i really do like flawed things, but i wonder if they aren't also nice. i think this is partly a problem of definitions. nina gives two examples. one is of people complaining that a day is "too nice" and the other is about a classical guitarist. in the first case, it does seem a bit odd that a day could be too nice, but it doesn't seem odd to think that what is a nice day to one person may not be a nice day to another. i tend to be more tolerant of heat than some of my friends from more northern climes. i might think a hotter day was nicer than they would. on the other hand, if a day truly was nice in a way that would be appealing to many people, it might not be a great idea to attend the art fair because the crowds would not be "nice". then again, the day of the art fair was not actually nice, in my opinion, but too hot and bright. but, because sunny days are usually described as "nice" and rainy days as "icky" a sunny, hot, horrible day could easily be "too nice". see? definitions.

in the second example that nina gives, she uses nice to mean perfection. i really don't like perfection for just the reasons i mentioned in my last post.

so, anyway, i'm just not sure what the underdog is in this case, except to say that it is a bit slippery. i guess if nice turns out to be perfection then, in this case, i'm not rooting for the underdog. i still think perfection has a leg up on me, even if most people like me better.
10:16 PM | link | (2) comments

movies in my head

yesterday drek posted about the badger scale of rating films. basically, according to drek, this is how the badger system works:

"So, the badger-scale instead provides a potential viewer with an idea of the amount of pain that the movie in question will inflict. Specifically, a movie gets a badger-scale rating equal to the number of angry badgers that would have to be attacking your body to equal the pain caused by the film. Thus, positive badgers means a movie is bad, and negative badgers means it's good, with zero badgers indicating indifference."

last night, i happened across a list i made of films that other people claim are good, but that i hate with passion. the list is not complete as it was written while chatting with friends in a coffee shop in december of 2000. i'm not going to bother linking these films. i'm sure you all can use the internet movie database on your own. anyway, here is my list: Fight Club, Virgin Suicides, The Crow, Stargate, Philadelphia, The Lion King, and any movie with tom hanks except for Joe vs. the Volcano (which i love).

there are also some terrible movies which i love just because they are bad. i am quite the fan of D.C. Cab and of Midnight Madness. i would have to give those negative badgers despite their absolutely terrible writing, acting, and basic premises.

nina likes good things, but i tend to like things flawed. chipped plates, crooked pony tails, chewed on fingernails... i don't mean to say that these things are the same as bad movies. i guess i just mean that allowing for some imperfection now and then makes me feel better about my own imperfection. things like D.C. Cab, which are so bad they are absurd, make me feel as good as taking off wet socks and jumping in a hot shower after a rainstorm.
10:09 AM | link | (3) comments

Sunday, July 11, 2004

claire is a fat girl's name*

...but, clare is not, and my friend clare was positively anorexic. she also had undiagnosed mental health issues that were pretty severe. and then she disappeared. we were friends in elementary school, then we were enemies in the way of middle school girls, and we were friends again my junior and senior years of high school. we both went to the same college, but, after awhile, clare faded away. at first we remained close, but clare had a habit of abandoning me when she had a boyfriend. our friendship had rocky spots and finally she pushed the limits of my acceptance too much. i feel bad because i fully believe that clare is dead. i wish i could have helped her, but she was so helpless that it was beyond my capabilities. she had no food in her house except for condiments. she would often sit in the dark for days at a time. the only thing that ever made her remotely excited was art,** but friends that had art classes with her said she had irregular attendance. i suspect that clare may have disappeared in a quite literal sense. wasting away to dark nothingness when the lightbulbs burned out and the mustard was gone.

the reason i am remembering clare right now is because she and i would have the most fun, even in college, playing "make-believe". we were not unlike the girls from Heavenly Creatures (i was the dark, scowling one). in high school, clare and i spontaneously developed an accent together, and neither of us knew how it came about, but blamed the other. we planned silly holidays to celebrate. we spent hours chatting in parks. i miss clare a lot sometimes. especially right now because i am in desperate need of some imagination. will someone go to a park with me and pretend that we are somewhere else entirely?

* this line is from The Breakfast Club, and, while clare loved the movie, this tended to rankle her a bit.

** her favorite artist is klee. does that put her in your group?
5:20 PM | link | (1) comments

Saturday, July 10, 2004

open up your mouth and feed it

today i went with lisa and carey to the art fair on the square and the farmers' market. the art fair on the square is pretty terrible, and was a only a little bit better than the only other time i have been. it does, however, provide me with the opportunity to look for funnel cake. funnel cake is a bigger deal in texas than up north, but in a state that loves fried stuff, you can count on one place to sell it in any fair like setting. i purchased and ate almost all of a funnel cake by myself. yummy! my question for my readership is this: if i find pancakes, cinnamon rolls, and donuts to be so repulsive that the thought of them triggers my gag reflex, why is it that i love fried cakey batter topped with sugar?
10:53 PM | link | (5) comments

Friday, July 09, 2004

rainbow colored carnage

some of you may be interested to know that i just put a bunch of in my freezer. let the good times roll!

UPDATE: i was waaaaaay to hasty with this post! i didn't bother to check out the Jel Sert, makers of, webpage before i published this. you should really check it out. not only do they make, but they also make pop ice and otter pops! they have cornered the market on frozen tubes of sweetness! not only that, but they make pharmaceutical products! and the name of the company sounds like something you put in your shoe! if you love, and i know you do, you may also want to check out the otter pops website. i'm listening to music by the Otter Popstars while i type this.
5:40 PM | link | (0) comments

who are you, peter parker?

my apartment was shown again this afternoon (and will be again tomorrow morning), and i decided that i would go see Spider-Man 2, as a treat for myself, during that time. my friends out there will know that i am a big fan of comic books, but mostly of the alternative kind. i do, however, love the X-Men. don't ask me why (or do, i may post about it later), but those mutants just pull at my heartstrings as if i was a fat, 13-year-old boy. anyway, despite my lack of familiarity with Spider-Man comic books, i really loved the first movie. it's a nice story, even if the Green Goblin was a little over the top. my friend sean warned me that the story wasn't great, but he said that he would see the movie again just to see Doctor Octopus one more time. i have to confess that after seeing the film, Doctor Octopus really left me wanting. i mean, he's cool and all, but i buy his tentacles even less than i buy Spidey's radioactive spider bite. as for the story itself, well, peter parker's struggles with balancing school, job, family, romance, and crime fighting were interesting, but i found it harder to imagine myself in his skin this time around. that's the joy of superheros, right? that you can see yourself in their place? maybe i'm wrong. but, what if awkward, anxiety prone, chubby, stupid dorotha woke up one day with the ability to, oh, control the minds of all newts and salamanders in the world. wouldn't you cheer for me? because secretly, just like you, newtgirl is the underdog. and isn't it somehow liberating, just for a second, to think that like her, you too could overcome your regular jane ways and fight injustice with a legion of amphibians at your back?

by Spider-Man 2, i already know i am not Spider-Man. i know he could get the girl. i know he can beat the bad guy. i know he can work hard and overcome the guilt over uncle ben's death. he's a popular kid now. sorry, peter.

um... p.s. find out which x-men character you are! me? i'm professor xavier. i guess that means i have to finish my phd. unless you think he's got one of those honorary doctorates...

professor x
You are Professor X!

You are a very effective teacher, and you are very
committed to those who learn from you. You put
your all into everything you do, to some extent
because you fear failure more than anything
else. You are always seeking self-improvement,
even in areas where there is nothing you can do
to improve.

Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla
4:03 PM | link | (7) comments

Thursday, July 08, 2004

woke up, got out of bed

60mg of caffeine! that is all i am going to have today. i gotta give it up or i may never stop having panic attacks. i hate the thought because i love coffee and soda, but, i guess i have to do it. sigh. heavy, heavy sigh. i'm gonna kick it like william s. burroughs kicked heroin in Junky. a little bit less everyday.

i have massive cleaning of my apartment to do now. it is being shown this afternoon. i have to get the underwear down from the rafters and return the chimp to the zoo. why do i let 80's movies happen in my apartment? haven't i learned by now?
11:09 AM | link | (0) comments

you made me love you

dear conan o'brien,

i want to love you, i really do. you amuse me more than many late night hosts. leno is homophobic and lettermen sexually harrasses women guests, so your competition isn't really tough. still, there is room for you to fall. i mean, there is no chance i will like jimmy kimmel, but i could totally give up on late night shows altogether. just know that you are on thin ice, my friend. i'm getting really sick of the "ruben studdard is fat" jokes. tonight you added a delightfully offensive stab at michael moore.

shut up, conan. don't ruin comedy for me.
12:00 AM | link | (4) comments

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

out of sorts

eddie peg, katy, ang, nina, nina and i had our own blogger dinner tonight. i had a fantastic time, but i feel an overwhelming pressure now to post witty, clever insights about the evening. thing is, i was out of sorts tonight. i have been all week. nina was disappointed that i wasn't meaner at dinner, since i've spoken at length about my asshole ways. i'm sorry, i'm just not myself lately.
11:51 PM | link | (4) comments

it's good to want things

why is Welcome Home Roxy Carmichael one of my favorite movies? it is soooo ridiculous.* the dialogue is terrible. the characters all seem to be trapped in their own individual time warps. i think it is partly because i am drawn to charcters with ridiculous names. dinky bosetti of Welcome Home Roxy Carmichael. edna shinglebox of Pardon Me, You're Stepping On My Eyeball. enid coleslaw of Ghostworld. these are all coming of age stories, and i am a sucker for coming of age stories. the girls are all misfits, and i was a misfit, too. but, the girls in these stories are braver than me. they take more risks. i used to joke that i liked coming of age stories so much because i hoped one day to come of age myself. i used to feel like i was still thirteen. everyday, still thirteen. i guess i am not anymore. but, it has been slow. nothing momentous to mark the occassion. it's kind of a shame.

* i think i read somewhere that Welcome Home Roxy Carmichael was supposed to be a lesbian coming of age film. i think this is part of what makes the movie fail. there are weird subplots that might have made sense in that context. two of the women in town are obviously having an affair, and there is tension surrounding that because one of the women obviously had a thing for roxy when they were teens, but the story line is so subtle that i entirely missed it in my first viewing. there is also the weird scene in which dinky shows her guidance counselor her breasts. that doesn't make much sense straight or gay though....
1:05 PM | link | (7) comments

Monday, July 05, 2004

phoning home

i need to call my parents for some advice, and i am reluctant to ask for it. i'm a little bit scared to talk to anyone about it. thankfully, i am seeing my therapist on thursday (or wednesday?). still, i am going to call my parents in a few minutes to keep them apprised of the situation. [don't get freaked out, readers. it isn't that big a deal.] i really only want to speak to my mom about it, but, if my dad is home, i will have to speak to him, too. it isn't that i don't like my dad, i do, it is just that he's awkward to speak with and especially distant and recalcitrant over the phone. sometimes after i speak with him, i think, "gosh! to think we have known each other for 28 years!" i might not have to speak with my dad. there is always a chance that he is out of town. the funny thing is, my parents never tell me when my dad is out of town, but they often call to tell me that he has returned home. i think my mother does it so that i won't worry that my dad has disappeared in some foreign land, but it would be more meaningful if i knew that he was ever gone to begin with. i believe that my dad might actually be in germany today. or england.
8:15 PM | link | (4) comments


that's the time on my microwave. my computer reads 12:43. blogger seems to think that it is 12:35. my VCR says 12:40. it has been bothering me lately that none of my timepieces reads the same time. i have been walking in the mornings with carey and lisa. we meet on a corner near the epicenter of our residences at 8:00am. i would like to get there at exactly 8:00am because it would reduce the amount of time i stand around looking awkward on the sidewalk next to a major street. i can't figure out when to leave my house. i don't know what time it is. even if i did know, i don't know what time carey and lisa have. synchronicity. my microwave reads 12:42 now.
12:35 AM | link | (3) comments

Sunday, July 04, 2004

looking so long at these pictures of you

katy and i had dinner tonight. i didn't want to go right home afterward, so i hung out at her place for a spell. we looked at pictures because she had read my post from last night.

combined with the Cat Power i have been subjecting myself to for the last few days, i am a little melancholy now. no good can come of looking at pictures when you are In A Mood.
9:12 PM | link | (3) comments

promises, promises!

i, dorotha harried, do hereby promise not to make any more drastic changes to my blog. i may tinker with what i have now, but i will make no changes that require downloading new templates. i'm sorry to everyone who i have hurt in the process.
4:03 PM | link | (2) comments

Saturday, July 03, 2004

you're older than you ever were, and now your even older!

yeah. a friend came over to my apartment for the first time tonight. i can't seem to help it; whenever anyone comes over for the first time, i play "show and tell" with them. only i am the only one who gets to show or tell. we got half-way through my photos before she was "too tired" to look at anymore (right...). after she left, i looked at a couple more pix. i found one of a giraffe taken at a silly "wild animal park" of some sort. the funny thing is, i don't think it is a place i ever went. i just have the picture. i remember i used to have a second picture from that same trip (i think they belong to an aunt). it was a photo of a zebra, but just the zebra's head. i had labelled the back of the picture "wounded zebra" and i carried it around with me during my senior or junior year of high school. i would show it to people. if they asked how the zebra was wounded, i would say something like, "well, it only has a head, doesn't it? that's not exactly healthy!" what a freak! here are some other terribly bizarre things i did in high school:

1. my friend clare and i had some mock obsessions that bordered on real obsessions. we read up, drew pictures of, and talked a lot about woodpeckers, sting, and mohawks.

2. i had three giant piggy banks in my car. i refered to them as my car pigs. one of them was named claudius, but i can't remember the others' names. i made them a mix tape.

3. i wore neckties in my hair.

4. i asked people to call me zilpha.

5. i would walk the halls of high school loudly singing "rocky raccoon" by the beatles.

i'm sure there were other odd things, too, like my crush on richard dreyfus or the fact that i said "oh bother!" all of the time.
11:43 PM | link | (4) comments

Friday, July 02, 2004

pop-o-matic bubble

it isn't that i am trying to hurt jeremy with my new format, but if that is a side-effect, so be it. my shrink didn't warn me about that one, either. i'm actually having a really hard time with my blog right now because things that work out okay at school don't on my home computer. i have a computer from 97 with windows 95. i can't even download the new versions of netscape or explorer because they don't work with windodws 95. the last template i used had one set of problems, and this has another. i may have to switch back to my original design just for the sake of my own sanity. you don't want to know how terrible this looks at my house.
11:36 PM | link | (4) comments

double fresh, double cool, double delicious to chew!

as many of you know, i saw my shrink yesterday to talk about adjusting my meds. she decided it was probably best to double them. here's how the conversation went:

"i'm wondering if i should double your Effexor? do you think i should?"
"um... you're the doctor. what do you think?"
"well, doctors don't know everything. how does your body react to the Effexor?"
"fine, i guess. i had a much harder time with Celexa"
"well, if you don't notice any side effects, i think it is safe to move you up."
"what are the side effects?"
"if you don't know, i'm not going to tell you!"
"good point."

with that, she wrote my scripts and arranged an "urgent" appointment with my therapist. we chatted for awhile and then she said:

"so, you may notice some forgetfulness..."
"well, that's great since i am taking a prelim and have to remember everything about social psychology!"
"well, it is either some forgetfulness, or else you are going to have so much anxiety you can't study or focus anyway, right?"
"um... yeah. that's true. well great."

it's scylla and charybdis, you guys.
5:35 PM | link | (0) comments

Thursday, July 01, 2004

clip meaningless pictures from old magazines

i'm afraid i have what my friend hey-nony phil might call "the boils." i have some things i'd like to post about, but i lack the drive just now. i know you were dying to hear from me. sorry. if i ever feel better, expect a post on sociology blogs and another post about affection. but, for now, let's just take a wait and see attitude.
3:43 PM | link | (1) comments