the wrong side of the bed

i was supposed to go on an adventure this afternoon, but just ended up at Target. that seems to be pretty par for the course in my life.

when i got home, i was feeling pretty ill. i didn't get enough sleep last night and i had my second caffeine of the day later than i like. my head was killing me. i took some painkiller. i had a panic attack. i went to sleep. i woke up drenched in sweat. blah. sometimes when i have panic attacks, i end up feeling really frustrated and sorry for myself. i mean, i have had anxiety problems since i was five years old! hardly seems fair, you know.

anyway, so i woke up feeling better (except for the drenched in sweat part, which is pretty gross) and made myself some dinner. started watching TV while i ate. ah, The Swan.

okay, i realize that commenting on reality TV is the stupidist thing a person can do next to actually watching reality TV. but, kee-rist! this show is nauseating and terrifying!

am i sick that this show actually makes me feel better about myself? i mean, i have this fucking panic disorder, but i am not on TV having someone suck the extra fat out of my body while i go to fake-o therapy and talk about how mean people were to me in middle school.

barf.