the wrong side of the bed

i just had a meeting with jeremy. i wanted him to tell me definitively, "dorotha, get the heck out of here!" or "dorotha, the discipline needs a mind like yours!" of course, he said no such thing. he told me to set myself some concrete deadlines. good advice, no?

i wish this weren't the case, but every semester i have conversations about wanting to leave. i don't know if i am cut out for this stuff. blah.

anyway, after my meeting with jeremy, i suddenly remembered the conversation i had with a faculty member at the university of texas. i was a junior in college, i think. my semester was going pretty poorly and i was having some serious mental health issues. i went to tell the professor that i was going fail the class because i had no intention of writing the final paper. he told me "you remind me of a bipolar grad student i once had who killed himself." the professor gave me an incomplete, i never wrote the paper, and in a year the grade turned into an F. later, he was actually a reader for my undegrad thesis, and eventually wrote me some letters of rec for graduate school. it occurs to me now that, if i really reminded him of a student who committed suicide, was it that kind of him to recommend me for grad school?