the wrong side of the bed

jeremy's cautionary tale has done little to caution me.* so some woman got fired somewhere because of her blog? that will NEVER happen to me! i'm invincible! mwah hah hah ha! okay, i exaggerate. it is not as if i grabbed the flashing star in mario bros. and can now run through mushroom people without dying (um, what? i spent my youth in stupid ways), but i do sometimes wonder how come i have never been reprimanded by the department for being so odd. i mean, i once made all of the students get in a circle around one kid who came in late and sing "the farmer in the dell". he was obviously the cheese, you know. i curse up a storm in front of my students and laugh loudly enough in my office to make dissertators several rooms down slam their doors. when will this kind of behavior come back to haunt me? my friend from high school, dorotha adams, was fired from a hostessing job because people complained that she was too odd. dorotha adams was tall, pretty, personable, born-again, and republican in a place where those things matter very much. if she could get fired for being weird, how am i still employed?

* i reccently told someone that i was thinking of starting an anonymous blog in which everyday i would just add the name of a person that i hate. i am pretty hate-filled, so it didn't seem like it would be a hardship to come up with names. i didn't need advice from jeremy to decide not to do this. i usually think that my emotional maturity level is somewhere around 13, but maybe i am all of 20 years old!

i actually can run through mushroom people without dying, and i don't need no flashing star. i do get a bit scraped up though. how, you ask, am i able to accomplish this task? two words. cheat codes. three words. macaroni and cheese. nine words. oh no, mrs. carson is coughing up phlegm, ew.
-anonymous philanthropist