the wrong side of the bed

Thursday, June 24, 2004

i saw you at the chapel

i just can't stop posting about marriage! it's like i can't get enough! bring me marriage! i demand it!!!!!

whew. okay, that's over. now, i can post a reasonable and well thought out post. you know, because i'm always so measured and even...

anyway, here's the thing: everyone is getting married. seriously. i guess it is all the rage or something. or, perhaps i have just reached a certain age where all my friends are going to begin to pair off with some sort of frightening determination. as i get older, it seems harder and harder to defend my anti-marriage position. in fact, there are reasons i would get married*, but none of them are for love alone.

my ex was not opposed to marriage when i met him. i don't remember the context of the conversation, but i remember that we discussed, in the abstract, the idea of matrimony fairly early on in the relationship. probably in the context of some argument about feminism or something. when i first met my ex, he was much further "to the right" than i am. interestingly, he has now moved such that we are almost exactly at the same point on the continuum. he says that it is because he was raised by very conservative parents and had a lot more thinking to do during college than i did, and i suppose it is true. in any case, it is nice that his beliefs have changed. we used to argue about things more than we do now (great! he thinks like me after the break up!), and, like me, he is now befuddled by people's determination to get married.

in the most shocking marriage announcement of late, one of my ex's friends from art school is getting hitched. this person is weirder than crispin glover! he lived in his studio** during art school and never quite seemed like he was talking to me when he supposedly was. my ex and i both would have guessed that this guy didn't even know what marriage meant. imagine saying some big word to a person who doesn't know it and having them just look at you with a vacant smile. that's what i would have expected from this guy when faced with the idea of marriage. maybe his partner asked him and he just said yes because he was actually thinking about flat planes of color. who knows what he was thinking? but, what are other people thinking?

* i would get married for health insurance, child custody, citizenship, and a couple of other financial reasons. but i would feel icky about it.

** when my ex started grad school for painting, the administration made a really big stink about not living in your studio. each grad student got a small cube with a locking door in which they could do their work. i can see how it might be tempting as a way to save money, but there was no kitchen or shower, and i would really want these things. the social science building would be a much better place to live. in my office, we have a microwave, a mini-fridge, an electric kettle, a couch, two chairs, and a table. somewhere on the second floor of the building is a shower. what is the difference between sociologists and painters that i was never warned (and warned and warned) not to live in my office? our building is a lot more tempting. on top of everything, there are less toxic paint fumes.
9:10 AM


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