the wrong side of the bed

well, as you all know, i have an amazing capacity for evil. friends and loved ones quake with fear before me. why friends and loved ones? why not my mortal foes (and i do have those)? because i am one of those delightful people that hits where it hurts and i'm more likely to know where to hit the ones i love. never show me your weaknesses. if i so much as think the balance of power might be tilting in your favor, you better believe i will make a suprise attack. hey, it's kill or be killed, people. i wasn't always like this...

... okay, yes i was. i'm a pretty bad person deep down. sunshine-y veneer, but evil to the quick. it's okay. i'm used to it by now. and my family loves me. plus, i don't turn my evil on them as much anymore. i don't mean this as an excuse. i'm not trying to say "i'm a bitch, get used to it!" or something like that. i just mean, i agonize over it, but can't seem to totally get rid of it. i've got my rage under control pretty well of late, and, while i did envy the homeless man i encountered on my walk to school this morning who was muttering something about "motherfucking assholes", i haven't yelled at any random people yet this summer.

so, anyway, to the person whose feelings i just hurt, i'm really sorry. you just reminded me of my position in the world and i didn't much like it.