the wrong side of the bed

Monday, August 02, 2004

butterflies in my tummy

this morning i woke up and felt towards sociology what i have not felt in years. when i was 18, i took my first sociology class, not even knowing what it was. i was a micro biology major at the time, my first semester of college, and i was taking bio, calc, spanish, and sociology. my intro sociology class was at 8:00 MWF, and i was never late. it doesn't hurt that i had a huge crush on my instructor, a doctoral student who finished up halfway through the semester. she looked like a 13 year old boy wearing a sports coat and she thought we were all stupid. i was transfixed. her contempt for us transformed itself into impassioned lectures. had i found my calling or was it lust? my math TA was who convinced me that grad school wouldn't be so bad. he had long stringy hair, a collection of t-shirts that were free from promotional events, and one pair of jeans that were so full of holes they were more like fishnet stockings. maybe academia would have a place for someone as slobby as me if he could make it.

sociology was very easy for me as an undergrad. it felt like a homecoming. i was an outsider my whole childhood. a feminist in high school. one of only a few liberal families in the woodlands (tm). in my classes i wanted to shout out "aha!" i wanted to find those kids who called me a feminazi and show them the evidence to back me up. i wanted to explain social construction to my elementary school. i wanted my junior high to understand small group behavior.

so this morning i woke up thinking thinking, "thank goodness for sociology!" it was funny, lying in bed being glad that this is what i have chosen to do. then i remembered that all of my friends are taking a prelim today and i am not because i am too something to do it. too chicken? too fucked up? too lazy? too bored? too antagonistic to the world? too resentful of authority? too intent on sabotaging myself? which and why?
11:08 AM


You should set this up as a blog poll and let the world vote.
Blogger jeremy, at 11:43 AM  

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