the wrong side of the bed

so, stupid me, i have a crush. it has been a lot of work on my part cultivating this. i have to obsessively check my email* and worry about whether my crush will still see me when my face is swollen from my wisdome tooth ordeal. i guess it is going okay. at first i wasn't even sure i wanted to have a crush. i mean, i have been single for almost 4 years! a girl gets used to her freedom. on the other hand, i get no snuggles. never! sometimes reba will let me hug her, but only if she is desperate. i'm like a monkey being raised by a wire mother. still, i don't really have to accomodate anybody else and their stupid opinions or ways of doing things. and i get to sleep in ridiculous nightclothes that i wouldn't let other humans see me in.

anyway, i've resigned myself to having this crush and i seem to be making a fair amount of progress. i think the person my actually like me back! careyoke offered to pass a "do you like me? yes or no" note, but i haven't taken her up on it. my main problem now is getting something to actually happen. there is a fair amount of emailing, but not much interaction in which we share physical proximity. how? how do i get this to happen?

my friend is having a party this friday. should i ask my crush? how should i do it? what should i say? i need your help now more than ever!

* okay, so i forgot my footnote when i first published this. how do i let things like this happen? sloppy, dorotha, sloppy! anyway, what i meant to say was this: how is it possible to tell when i am obsessively checking my email when i check my email pretty much constantly while i am at school and multiple times per day when i am at home? i'm not sure. i think the key is that i actively update the messages/refresh the page/check the mail when i am being obsessive about it. on normal days, i wait for the default 5 minutes and allow the program to do it on its own.

Crushes exist in Never Never Land. They're literally in your head, not bed, not yet. In my case, in high school, I would write my Barbara Walters interview. I would be married to a very famous man (who shall remain nameless), and Barbara Walters would interview us. I would write her intro, questions, our answers. I would make notes about the house, our living room, the old footage of us. I was quite crazy.

Ask you crush out, my darling. Don't spend your crush at the keyboard.

Well, lemme ask you this: Do you have a Waffle House handy?

They can be very useful for such matters.

a waffle house? okay, i'm totally ignorant. how will this help?

yeah, invite your crush out to the party. the only way anything is going to happen is if you keep hanging out. eventually it will become apparent that you are dating. the way to ask them out is to type, "would you like to go with me to my friend's party this friday?" just copy and paste that sentence into an email. include some other normal things, too (not just that sentence). then hit send. you have probably already done this, and my words mean nothing and fall on ears made deaf with love. keep us posted!

-i am anonymous and i am philanthropist! (hear me roar?)

Waffle House is one of the least threatening places in the universe. Perfect for getting to know somebody better in a somewhat-unconventional manner.

Seriously, dorotha, go for broke here. One of us bloggers has gotta hit the jackpot eventually, and it may as well be you.

I hit the jackpot last night. Thrice.

dear anonymous,

who are you and why do you make me feel icky?

you don't enjoy philanthropy?