the wrong side of the bed

here's the thing: i've been practicing unnecessary touch. what is this and why am i engaging in it? well, the truth is, i'm a terrible flirt. when i was in high school, the way i would indicate that i was into someone was to fold them origami cranes from gum wrappers. this was not successful. in college, my approach was that if i liked a person, i would just never meet their eyes. again, no luck with that approach. my current way of expressing interest is to be incredible cruel to the object of my affection in public settings. or just being mean and snarky and a little bit spazzy. no go, i'm telling you. so my friends have tried to get me to practice unnecessary touch. what they had intended was to have me touch peoples' arms when i laugh at their (probably lame) jokes and things like that. what has actually happened is that i can't seem to stop touching my friends now. it is getting to the point that everyone except for careyoke is creeped out by me. i mean, i licked the top of my friend peter's head at a party on saturday. that is certainly within the bounds of unnecessary, but sheesh! it's pretty fucking gross.

so, basically i hope that my new mode of flirting is not going to involve giving lots of wet willies.*

also, i hope i am not losing my mind, but that is another story.

*you know what those are, right? when you lick your finger and stick it in someone's ear. super gross.

It's like I said, it's all about the pendulum, baby. You have swung to one side of touch-i-ness from untouchability and someday soon you might settle into appropriate levels of inappropriate and unnecessary touching.

But like you said, I don't mind. I'm yours for the touchin'!

Well, dorotha, thanks for making me feel marginally better about my own romantic incompetence.

Seriously, though, my roomie and I routinely have arguments about which one of us is more hapless when it comes to the opposite sex, so you're in "good" company.

drek, i suspect that your ranting charms the socks right off of the ladies, but i am glad you will let me into your club anyway. even though i tend to charm extra clothes onto people. mittens and scarves and whatnot. even in the summer.