the wrong side of the bed

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

like a lava flow that nothing can stop

god, i feel so contained today. there is nowhere for all of it to go.

i am not in the right place or living the right life. when i lived in new haven i was a temp. for an entire year i had the same temporary job. i knew that i was only going to live there for a year. it was part of a plan that has since fallen apart. but, my year in new haven i called my temporary life. it wasn't just the job, it was everything that would eventually come to pass.

i am no longer living like that. but how am i living? it isn't even temporary, it is waiting. it is an anticipatory life. what will happen next? how will i even know it is happening? in the meantime, everything is spilling out with no plan. i am lacking in wherewithal.
1:06 PM


i think we're all living anticipatory lives. i still wonder what i'm going to want to or be able to do when i grow up and i'm 37. every now and then i think of that song "is that all there is?" but i think more than anything it's just one's state of mind. you just need to listen to that self-help cd i gave you years ago and all your problems will melt away like butter.

Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:56 PM  

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