the wrong side of the bed

i've never been particularly proud of anything that i have done or accomplished. my family just isn't like that.* the things i like best about myself are largely accidents and it hardly seems like good form to take credit for them. i mean, i do enjoy it when people laugh at the things i say, but i have such little control over the things that come out of my mouth that i wonder if amusing people isn't just a by-product of breathing through my mouth instead of my nose.

i can almost sometimes be very proud of things that other people have done, but only if i try really hard. it doesn't, however, take much for me to be proud of my friend sean who deserves a few accolades. good work on finally getting the recognition you have earned for both your artwork and your teaching. you are very talented and you have worked very hard. moreover, you are not a mouth-breather.

* once, when i was having a particularly difficult time dealing with my anxiety, my mother did tell me she was proud of me for mustering up the nerve to leave the house every morning. the world can be a daunting place! but, this is the only time my parents have ever been proud of me, at least to my knowledge.

Yay to Sean for... whatever the hell just happened to him! Yay!

it's all my doing. this sean fellow owes his good fortune to my little machinations. i refuse to take credit for it, however. so please, ignore entirely the fact that i've just admitted the great depth of my involvement. go about your day as usual, and remember: i never did anything.
-anonymous philanthropist