the wrong side of the bed

Thursday, March 10, 2005

just me by the sea

gah. i've been home alone for all of maybe 20 minutes, and i already feel like i haven't spoken to anyone in days. i hate the inside of my head sometimes. i feel so fricking lonely.

when i was a kid, i didn't talk to anyone during the school day. it was pretty bad. i'm probably exaggerating, because i remember having a few friends in first and fourth grades, but for the most part, i think i was something of a loner. i distinctly recall making little challenges to myself like "dorotha, today we won't talk to anyone unless directly asked a question by a teacher." at the end of the day, when even teachers hadn't spoken to me, i would be able to pretend that it was all part of some plan that i had. what restraint! when i would get home from school, i would talk the ears off of my family members. my parents assumed that everything was okay at school because i always had so much to say about what happened during the day. i guess i seemed happy to them* because my older sister was much more obviously miserable.

i still talk a lot. and i need a lot of attention.

* this is confusing to me a bit because, although my mother has told me that she assumed that i was happy during my elementary school years for precisely the reasons i just described, i distinctly remember crying a lot during kindergarten and my mother telling me, "if you don't stop crying, i'm going to send you to a shrink!" good job with the follow through, ma.
5:35 PM


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