the wrong side of the bed

all of my friends (i would link their blogs, but there are just too many) have decided to start doing weight watchers. i've never been one to obsess about my weight. i know i'm too fat, but i have been this way my whole life. the few times that i was skinny, i didn't even know, and by the time i figured it out, i was fat again. anyway, i don't really care about my weight most of the time, but now that all of my friends are slimming down, i'm sort of jealous. and i sort of feel fat. in fact, this week i feel especially fat. i also feel especially hungry.

i've got to go to the grocery store this weekend and load up on cauliflower and spinach (her normal diet) for careyoke's upcoming visit. while i am there, i will try to buy lots of healthy things. that way, when the pressure finally gets to me, i will be prepared to eat my weight in leaves instead of beer brats (my normal diet*).

but, that is next week. today i really want some pizza.

* i'm lying. i actually live on kit kats and ranch dressing.

i always thought you subsisted entirely on pre-sliced american cheese topped wth mayonaisse, prepared daily by your mom.

That's funny. *I* always thought you subsisted entirely on blocks of raw tofu shaped like eggplants and the uncooked macaroni stuck to the insside of the Kraft box.

yeah, the latter with ketchup!

you are both right! as a child, my mother would give us kraft singles topped with miracle whip (we weren't a mayonaisse family). she'd role them up into a little tube. sometimes we would get baloney prepared the same way. i thought it was the best when i was little, but now i recognize the unhealthiness of this snack. my mom used to give us veggies and stuff, too, don't get me wrong. it is just that she balanced it out with plenty of crap. i was suckered in by the junk food she proffered. moreso than my brother and sister who were always much skinnier than me.

i do love raw tofu. and i love raw macaroni pried from the inside of the box, especially when there are bits of glue and cardboard stuck to it. and nothing makes me happier than mac-n-cheese with ketchup.

i almost never eat kitkats. i like ranch dressing, but honey mustard is my first choice.

i just don't see why you have to lie.

Your diet can't possibly be worse than mine - cheetos and liquor.

henry never sees why i have to lie. i've explained to you before, henry, that if i stop lying the bomb will go off! it is like the movie speed but with lies.

jon(athan), in addition to liquor and cheetos, ingests LOTS of broccoli.

Yes, broccoli.

The kind that is good for your body and the kind that is good for your mind.

I thought it was cheese tortellini and mustard. Good times.

- c

well, c, don't think i don't know who you are. anyway, as you well know, that day i also ate half a pineapple and a violet crumble candy bar. and a whole lot of wine.

no tortellini does not go well with mustard. no, i did not make it to the bathroom. no, pineapple does not wash easily out of terry clothe.