the wrong side of the bed

Thursday, July 21, 2005

henry can do no wrong

my friend henry is truly amazing. if i had the text of his brother colin's toast from henry's reccent wedding, i would reproduce it here. it was dead-on. he's magical, but does not live in a forest, and is certainly not a tapir.

he wrote this parody of Baby Got Back. it is brilliant. i'll have to make the font orange for this, but i'd make it yellow if i thought you'd be able to read it.

Big Bird Got Beak

Oh my gosh
Becky, follow that bird
It's so big
He looks like one of those... Sesame Street characters
Who understands that Sesame Street?
The kids only watch it because it's filled with total puppets
I mean that bird
It's just so BIG
I can't believe it's so tall
It's just out there
I mean, it's gross
Look, it's just so... yellow.

I like Big Bird and I cannot lie
You other children can't deny
That when a bird hugs you in a warm embrace
with a yellow beak in your face
You have FUN!
You're a Big Bird Buff
Cuz you notice them feathers are fluffed.
Deep in the Down he's wearing
with his googly eyes all staring
Oh, Big Bird I wanna play wit ya
finger-paint your picture.

Mr. Rogers - he really spook me
But that Bird make me say
"C is for Cookie"
Ohh, Mr. Hooper is dead..
But you say you wanna educate my head?
Well teach me, teach me, cuz you played by Carrol Spinney.

I'm a fowl playa.
Even Telly say "Aw ye-ah"
He's yellow... hello!... got it goin like a lemon jello.

I'm tired of Disney and Looney Tunes
Sayin' little ducks are the thing
Take the average kid and ask him that.
Bird gotta lack the "Quack"

So Toddlers (wahhh) Toddlers (wahhh)
Has your backpack got the Bird? (wahhh wahhh)
Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that kid backpack
Big Bird Got Beak
(fellow's really yellow but he's got much beak)

I like 'em winged and big
Maybe even dancin' a jig
He's one of the people in yer 'hood
Only one on the Street
with visible feet

I wanna skip Recess
And turn on the Pee, UH, Bee, UH, Esss
I ain't talkin bout Teletubbies
Those teddy bear freaks were made for babies
I wannem tall, blonde, and goofy
So find that goofy chicken
Don't tell me you sicken
singin' along wit a Chicken
So I'm lookin' at kids videos
Knockin these Rambos fightin' like G.I. Joes
You can have them Rambos
I'll keep my homies like Elmo
A word to the Sesame Street Muppets
I wanna tickle ya
learn lettaz & basic mathematic-a.
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna .. COUNT.. TO.. THREE
Til the break of dawn
Big Bird got it goin on
Some bullies won't like this song
Cuz them kids don't git it, or admit it
But I'd rather stay and play
Cuz I'll Sing, Sing a Song
And I'm down wit Co-operation

So kiddies (yeah), kiddies (yeah)
Do you wanna sing Raposo ditties? (yeah)
Then jump around
Sing it loud
Even Oscar's got to shout
Big Bird got Beak

Yeah mommy
When it comes to ornithology
Audubon ain't got nothin to do with my selection
your bird adores the number 4?
Only if he's 8'2".

D'ya see that one where he went to China?
It was brought to ya by the number Nine-a.
SnuffleUPagus is Down, he knows there's no one fine-a.
That Bert & Ernie can't LEARN A WORD until they've heard BIG BIRD
You can watch Rugrats or Barney, but please don't dis the 'Street'
Older brothers wanna act all adult
no longer think they're six years old
So they dis it and leave it
But I still young enuff to believe it

So you can say the alphabet?
You should hear Big Bird do that.
Cuz he took all the letters and he made em ONE WORD
Now that's my kinda Bird!
To that Pikachu in the Pokemon:
Y'ain't the only yellow thang
The Count can count me as a devoutly
bird-watchin' foo' though my mutha she ground me
Some nincompoop tried to jest
that Big Bird and I share a Nest
I went and I triple-dog dare 'im
to prove I'm a part of his harem.
So kiddies you wanna take that frown
And turn it right upside down?
Then can ya tell me HOW to get,
how to GET to my favorite muppet?
Big Bird Got Beak
4:51 PM


I remember getting this in an email for much-needed comic relief after 9-11. I said it then, and I'll say it here: that's just effing brilliant.
Blogger A+, at 5:57 PM  
Blogger jeremy, at 12:37 PM  

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