the wrong side of the bed

i'm letting someone post on my blog. this person is ANONYMOUS. don't even try to guess who he or she is. seriously. i won't tell you. not even if you tickle me. anyway, here he or she goes:

Things not to do when you are trying to impress Constance:

(1) If you are a neurotic Jew, don't constantly talk about it.
(2) If my ass has a nice swivel when I walk, don't tell me about it.
(3) Do not get me to play thumb war with you just so that you can touch me.
(4) Do not ask me if I mean to be sending that message with my clothing.
(5) If you stereotype feminists, don't project the stereotype onto me.*
(6) If I show you my shaved armpit to prove you can't pin me down, do not ask to see it again.
(7) Do buy me a drink (feminists and non-feminists alike appreciate this).
(8) Do not constantly talk about how immature you are.
(9) Do not fondle anything that comes anywhere near my breasts.
(10) Certainly do not do all these things in one evening.

*If, in the 6 years I have been studying gender at the graduate level, I have not moved past thinking the things that you assume feminists think, I am a sad case indeed.

Agh! This TOTALLY ANONYMOUS person clearly had a rather dreadful encounter with a truly dreadful man.

I'm totally icked-out right now.

I get the swivel thing all the time, too, and am tired of suitors pointing it out to me.

Hm, I am with you all the way except the thumb-wrestling thing. I like that. It's one of my moves. I am that smooth.