the wrong side of the bed

my granddad is dying, maybe right now. it is weird to think about because i have never been close to my granddad, despite having known him for 30 years. 30 years, and he is like a stranger. i know he likes to drink scotch. i know he likes sports, particularly football and track. i've seen him eat turkey dinners about 26 times. i know he likes card games. i know he is conservative because i know that my family does not talk politics for a reason. i know he worked in advertising at the dallas morning news. that is all that i know. that is it.

how do i miss that? how do i figure out a way to be sad? in all honesty, i'm glad he is dying because his life has been pretty miserable for the past year or two. i'm not sure that he has been happy at all for the last year. i want his misery to stop, but in the same way that i would want anyone's misery to stop. most of my emotion has been directed at hating my grandmother. i know, hate is a strong word. but, i do hate her. she is the only person i hate, and it is profound.

i hope my grandfather goes peacefully. i just want his pain to stop.

I'm sorry, Dorotha. I hope you are doing okay. It was very odd when my grandfather died. He pretty much ignored my existense, and was basically a bastard in a lot of ways. A lot of people came up to me at the wake and told me what a wonderful person my grandfather was, and I was thinking, "Really?" Not all grandparents are the cuddly type.
JJ