the wrong side of the bed

Saturday, May 26, 2007

things i forgot about myself or that i reccently learned.

i have learned three things about myself since i started working at the place i currently work (shhh! i decided not to say where i work).

1. i don't like lemon. we sell a lemon flavored cookie that my co-workers love. people were incredulous that i don't like that cookie and i mentioned that i don't like lemon bars either, which are another favorite around the office.* in my mind, i went through a host of lemon flavored edibles and realized that i don't really like any of them. i don't hate lemon and i would eat your lemon pastries or lemonade if i were at your home. i'd just rather not.

2. i walk funny. i am pigeon-toed. i am only now realized that i have a funny gait. i swing one hip more, compensating for my weird, dragging, pointed in foot. i don't know how i didn't notice this. my office has a long hall that i am constantly walking up and down. i guess something about that little trip exaggerated the extra bit of swing. now i am hyper aware of it. have i gotten more pigeon-toed? it seems like maybe i have.

3. having low self-esteem doesn't just make me hate myself. i suffered the delusion for many years that i appear emotionally normal in most situations, but i realized that being a neurotic mess of insecurity affects my job performance in even the tiniest of ways. that, in turn, leads to people not trusting my actions. really. i've been told this by my boss. the fact that i don't "believe in myself" has given my co-workers the impression that i don't know what i am doing. wah?

those are things i have learned at my place of work. here is something i learned last night at karaoke.

1. i am sometimes incredibly shy and self-conscious. i sang "the growly song" with jeremy, but felt uncomfortable the whole way through because there were so many strangers at the kid. in the karaoke heyday, there were always so many sociologists. i am shy. from my asshole-ish-ness you might think that i am desparate for attention. i promise that it is something else.

2. i really need to work on not being such an asshole. sheesh. one of these days someone is gonna knock my teeth out.

i'm such a freak. i dashed off after the growly song, embarrassed an strange.

i do, as of now, still have my teeth and my bad foot.

* okay, so pretty much any sweet is a favorite around my office. if you need to put on a few pounds, i can hook you up.
10:03 AM


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