the wrong side of the bed

i know i complain about my job a lot, but part of the reason is not just that it is boring and my co-workers think i am weird and don't get my jokes. the other problem with my job is that i am not good at it. my job requires skills that i do not have: organization and attention to detail. my job description probably puts that as the very last skill needed, but it should be the first above all else. it doesn't hurt that my memory is bad, but i don't think this can explain everything. last fall is a blur, sure, and i can't remember names or faces of people i've met, but this is probably pretty normal. i've decided that i have got to get out of this job. there are tricky things involved with this. for example, i have no idea where i am going to live in a year. i'm not in love with madison and see little reason to stay here, especially as my friends will all be leaving soon. is it worth it to change jobs only to move? besides, given my grouchiness, i could easily hate the next thing just as much.

here is my plan: i will expend effort trying to figure out what i actually want to do.* if i happen to also be good at what i what to do, then i figure out whether or not i might be able to pull it off. until then, i am going to lie. i am going to tell everyone i interact with at work, including all of the volunteers i supervise, that i can't remember anything, ever. not just stuff that happened in the past few years, which is truly lost, but things that happened yesterday.** how can i file if i forget that i even need to? sure, there are piles of paper on my desk, but are they mine? yes, i guess i did approve that ridiculous request, my name is on it after all, but i have no recollection why i would do this! i'm hoping this strategy is effective.

* i like teaching, but don't really know how to go about this. still, i do think about it as a possibility. i'm not sure who i would want to teach or what i would want to teach them. this morning driving to work, i was thinking about my kid brother who works at a private school in new orleans. i sometimes ask him for his advice on this subject. one thing i know i would want to borrow from him is a great method for keeping his kids on task. he sings to them, which is pretty funny because he, like me, has a horrible singing voice. he makes up little songs indicating when they should turn in tests, what chapters to read, reminders to tidy things, and, my favorite, when to go to the next class. his students like him a great deal and tend to dawdle. chuck treats them to a little number that goes, "get out of my face, get out of my face, i don't ever want to see you again." the kids love it and sing along at the end of every class. and they leave on time.

** yeah, so i don't remember many things that happened for at least two years. yesterday i was looking at the staff recommendations in the young adult section at a bookstore. one book was marked with a card that said something to the effect of "what would you do if you lost all memory of the past two years of your life?" what would you do? i need to know! the story, it turns out, is about a boy who ineffectually shoots himself in the head only to suffer brain damage that erases his memory. in his case some of the problems he encounters are a best friend who doesn't like him anymore, family members who are mistrustful, and the like, all for no reason obvious to him! i did not buy the book, but am happy to use the excuse it offers. if i have offended you, if we are on the outs, if i owe you large sums of money, then i should let you know that i am off the hook because i do not remember any of this happening. cut me some slack. it is like i have taken a bullet to the brain.

I think you should write children's books.