the wrong side of the bed

Thursday, November 30, 2006

shower me

a former acquaintance said of my ex-boyfriend sean that he was an enjoyer. this was after we ate together and she noticed that he was humming while he ate. sean is an enjoyer. he especially loves eating yummy foods. it is fortunate for him that he is now dating a chef. i don't totally suck in the kitchen, but i don't really try to make special meals nor do i always pay attention to whether or not things are burning. i think his girlfriend is a good match for him.

if sean is an enjoyer, then what am i? rather than feeding me, people seem pretty intent on giving me presents. have any of you ever been in my house? have you seen how many toys i have? am i a hoarder? is that what i am? am i a collector? can people tell this when they meet me? why do they humor me? i don't even have room for more toys, but three people have already asked me what new playmobil i "need" for christmas.

because you care, i am listing things i have collected at various points in my life.

stuffed animals
wrapping paper
origami paper
baby name books
ugly neckties
found paper clips
eggplants (not actual eggplants, though i do enjoy eating them)
strange lamps
stickers (okay, this is pretty much an ongoing obsession)
comic books
old cookbooks
lenticular things

please, if you can, try not to get me these things. i know you all want to. my sister has told me that it is fun to get me toys and other wacky things because i light up with joy when i open the packages. i always get more christmas and birthday presents than anyone in my family with the exception of my nephew (but only for the past 7 years). toys are awesome. they are really, really awesome. i know. shiny things are great. i bought myself something lenticular just today. i get it. my obsessions rock. but, please, just think before you give me anything. i might also need non-perishable foods. i could use a new bottle face lotion (neutrogena face lotion for combination skin, please). i'm getting too fat for most of my pants. i'd like a sewing machine so i can return the one i am borrowing. i love pickles.

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9:22 PM


you know you want this, though: cold war unicorns
Blogger AK, at 10:22 AM  

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