the wrong side of the bed

Sunday, June 10, 2007

i don't know what

my dad was in town this weekend. he had a conference in chicago and drove up after to hang out with me. we didn't do much of anything except for walk up and down state street and eat at restaurants a lot. at the end of state street there is a small barber shop. jon gets his hair cut there and dad needed a hair cut. he got one at college barber because jon, who is very ambivalent about his appearance, might have recommended it had he been there.

two things stand out about dad's visit. the first is that i had a chance to look at his arm and check out his scars from the surgery in which they gave him zombie bones. i am disappointed that i never got a picture of it.

thing #2 - we also talked about our family, primarily my mother's strange behaviors. this weekend she drove to austin from the woodlands to check up on her mother's health and well being and to entertain my dad's mother. my mother thinks that my evil grandmother must be very lonely because she no longer has my grandfather to abuse. maybe she is lonely. i told my dad that if grandmother is lonely it is because she reaps what she sows. my dad takes criticism of his mother well, even though i know it must hurt him to hear me talk that way about her. i think my dad would spend less time with her if not for my mom. he once again mentioned in passing that she physically abused him when he was a kid. if it were me, and i know that it isn't, i would be unhappy that my spouse kept forcing me to see her. i know i resent having to interact with her.

my mom saw her mother, too. on friday night, she helped her mother put furniture and things back in place after a visit from an exterminator. she stayed the night because she wanted to watch my grandmother go to bed. i think there is some worry that she just sits in a chair all night. on saturday morning, she talked to my grandmother for a spell. probably had a cup of instant coffee. when she went outside to leave, a neighbor came up to talk to her about my grandmother. she has lived in the house for a long time and her neighbors also check in on her and wanted to talk to my mom about their concerns. this made my mom 30 minutes late to my evil grandmothers house. she was upset. my mom felt guilty.

my mom stayed overnight at my evil grandmother's house on saturday this seems strange because her goal is to watch over her mother as she sleeps. creepy! she is staying tonight at my good grandmother's house. she will drive straight to work, leaving round rock at 4:00 in the morning. sometimes my mother will arrive in austin at 2 in the morning. sometimes my mother leaves work at midnight. my family cannot convince my mother not to drive in the middle of the night. we are all certain that my mother will fall asleep at the wheel one of these days. what can we do?

we cannot understand my mother's behavior and we cannot change it. it is hard to think about loving her and watching her martyr herself. it is confusing to wonder if she prefers her life this way and might miss it if we convinced her to stop. i feel guilty thinking that i am not doing enough to get her out of this, but we cannot even convince her to buy shoes that do not hurt her feet.

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10:24 AM


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