the wrong side of the bed

Thursday, August 16, 2007

better left unsaid

lately i have been writing blog posts and then not posting them. they aren't working exactly right. for example, reccently jj and jon and i went to see jane wiedlen from the Go-Go's. it was tragic and horrible. she was drunk and/or fucked up on something else (glue?). it was horrible to watch. she kept telling priest child molestation jokes which i never find funny, but certainly not when delivered poorly by someone who keeps shouting to the audience that we should listen to her and that she was in a famous band. before she performed a band, whose name i have forgotten but have no desire to remember, played. they were noteworthy only in that one member played all of the percussion instruments that are given to the kid in junior high band who didn't actually get to play the drums. except the xylophone. he played those things you shake like a martini, but sound full of sand. he played a tambourine. he played the triangle. and he was damned happy about that.

and i didn't tell you that story, which actually had more to it than all that. a couple who were groping each other in especially skanky ways right in front of us. screaming cyn-cyn and the pons. jj's funny comparison about jane wiedlin and an episode of 90210...

i don't feel like telling you about my roommate, about whom i have written a post that i have not published. i don't feel like complaining about work or telling my DMV story. what i want to tell you is this:

i do not want to hold your baby. if i am forced to hold your baby, i would prefer that you not make fun of me for being awkward. i am sorry that i do not like babies. they are extremely boring. if they could talk, walk, or do anything i would be much more impressed. because i am so uninterested in your child, and you know this fact, i think it would be to both of our advantages to avoid having me hold your son. you will be afraid i will drop him and i will not really give a shit if i do.

for the record, i did not drop him nor did i even come close.


6:40 AM


Yeah, I hate holding babies too.
Blogger jeremy, at 11:58 AM  
I'm about to have my first baby. I think I will be very interested in my baby and will like holding it, but I don't find other people's babies that interesting or want to hold them. Hopefully I won't expect other people to have an interest in my baby. I think I would find it creepy if they did, like when people try to touch my stomach now. Hands off, people! (I'm sure that you would not try this, and I'm grateful...)
Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:32 PM  
Although I love my nephew and niece, I still think that in their infancies they were both boring. And teeny babies freak me out. I keep thinking I might break them, and that makes me scared, and being scared makes me really awkward and clumsy and therefore more likely to break them.

Plus, and I know people will think this is horrible, but I really don't find teeny babies that cute. They look kind of like aliens, esp. when they're just a few weeks old, and I don't like it.

I'm willing to start interacting with children when they're about 9 months to a year old. Before that, not so much.

The only thing I find worse than being asked to hold a teeny baby is being asked to watch one while it sleeps. I become extremely paranoid that it'll die in its sleep so I basically just hover over it and stress out til it wakes up.
Blogger Gwen, at 10:31 PM  
not sure what is sadder, the fact that you got bummed out by jane wiedlen or the fact that you went to see jane wiedlen. hey, no probs on the kid, i'll give you a plenty-wide berth...
Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:02 PM  
Hmmm...I guess I'll have to address the Jane Wiedlin snobbery by the previous poster. She just happened to be the creative force behind one of the greatest pop bands of all time. She's got a great voice and sounded just as good as Belinda Carlisle when singing songs from her Go Gos era. I thought the music was worth the $10 I paid to see her. But Dorotha's right...she was really wacked out that night.
Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:15 AM  
How disappointing about the show ... I love Jane Wiedlin. I've seen her perform with the Go-Go's a few times, and she was always very charming and witty onstage. Perhaps she was just having a bad night?

Thank you, JJ, for defending Jane's undeniable talent. I am in total agreement.

Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:27 PM  

Post a Comment