the wrong side of the bed

my mother and i began the day with a conversation on humility. i proceded to have an incredibly trying day, and called my mother multiple times to ask her what she would do. i'm not christian, but my mother was a nun. sometimes, when i am having WWJD? moments, i ask my mother instead. she tried to help, and somehow i made it through the day. in fact, she is probably the only thing that kept me from kicking someone in the teeth.

but , i lost it when i finally got home at 8:30. i am responsible for taking out the trash for three houses on my block. i find this job incredibly irritating. people do the grossest shit with their trash and recycling. you know, like dumping kitty litter in without a bag... in the recycling bin! the thing that bugs me the most, though, is that there is a broken trash can behind my apartment. it has no wheels, but it is supposed to. it can't balance. it falls over. i haven't figured out how to throw the trash can away. i'm just not sure how. do i put it in another trash can? what torments me about this trash can is that someone, or more than one someone, insists on using this trash can despite the two other empty trash cans. why? why?!?!?!

today was a terrible day. so terrible i had to use (my mother's) teacher voice on a four year old. so terrible that i waited three hours for someone to show up late just to have them get mad at me. but it wasn't until i was taking out the trash that i was driven to yell. standing alone in the mud behind my house, i shouted, "do you have eyes!?!? can you even see?!?!"

and then, i immediately felt guilty. what if i have a neighbor who can't see? a neighbor who has no eyes? what if they are putting trash in the broken can? and yet, this is impossible. because whoever uses this trash can sets it upright to put the trash in. sets it upright and then leans it against something, like an empty trash can.

what do i do, mom? what do i do?

Labels: complaining, family, fuck off

Next week, bring the broken trash can to the curb with a sign on it instructing the sanitation engineers to please take the can. Or just find a dumpster you can throw it into. If it's not there, people won't use it.

Also, why the hell are you sorting other people's trash? Jeremy says you wouldn't have to do this if you had a job.
-Your new bff (the retard)

or you could leave notes for the owner's of these cans asking them to correct whatever issues they have. you could threaten that you will not take them to the curb if they don't follow your rules. rules, remember, it's all about following your rules.

Did you or your mom come to any useful conclusions regarding humility? Most people seem to equate humility with humiliation, which is one way to look at it, I suppose, but not an especially useful one for me. I think of humility as (among other things) the ability to be aware of the limitations of one's intellect, of the fact that there are so many things that one does not or cannot know, and of the possiblity that very simple thoughts or actions or procedures can have an overwhelming impact on one's life. These are all good things, in my opinion. My life is better when I feel humble, worse when I feel humiliated.

In any case, I'm sorry that you are having a hard time, and hope that things get better soon. You are a good kid.

Why on earth do you take out the trash for 3 houses?

And put the thing out on the curb during August moving days in one of the huge piles. It'll get taken then. A note might help, though.