the wrong side of the bed

Sunday, October 22, 2006


i am not a positive person. i am discontented with my life, the world, and hundreds of thousands of petty things. i will argue with you about almost anything except for politics. * i will complain until the unfortunate listeners to my rants tries to claw off their ears. on thursday, after listening to me spew my bitterness and hatred for 30 minutes over the phone, my mother and i had this conversation:

"where does all of this anger come from? what happened to make you so, so angry?"
"i don't know, mom. i am just a bad person."

"oh, dorotha, i am going to give you one m&m everytime you say something positive."
"you aren't here, mom."
"i will send some in the mail."
"if you do that, i will eat the entire bag at once. i have no self-control."
"perhaps i should give them to your co-workers..."
"not a bad idea, mom. feel free."

my co-workers and jon do not think this is a bad idea. in fact, on friday at work, i received 2 m&ms and two hershey's kisses.

my question is this: do you think that jeff and my mother have been talking? i think so.

* i am very, very ignorant about politics. i've got no excuse.

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9:52 AM


If it helps--and I know it doesn't--I feel pretty dismal and hopeless about life too. People tell me I'm a lovely person who is fun to be around. I cannot see that this helps me one small bit. I'm still generally bored, self-pitying, and lonely. And I live in Utah and see no way out.

Point being, I'm not sure there's something specific about *you* that is the problem here. I think it might be a fairly common, and logical, reaction to the realities of life.

And I've quit bothering to read political stuff. All my knowledge of the injustices and hypocricies of the world has yet to make one tiny bit of difference, so it seems easier to save precious mental energy.
Blogger Gwen, at 12:25 PM  
Your mother and I have not been talking, because I have tried to say extremely positive things (to my students, professors, and to people in my cohort [I'll leave it to you to guess which is more difficult]), and yet have received no m&m's. What is your mother's number again?

It's not like I feel all that great about life, either, but I try to accentuate the positive-- for instance, I'm still alive, have cable tv, and I'm able to put about 50% effort forward in school, and still come off looking pretty good. In all honesty, besides that, things are pretty shitty. (three positive comments in there- let the m&m's roll in!).
Blogger the jeff, at 12:47 AM  

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