the wrong side of the bed

i am not a positive person. i am discontented with my life, the world, and hundreds of thousands of petty things. i will argue with you about almost anything except for politics. * i will complain until the unfortunate listeners to my rants tries to claw off their ears. on thursday, after listening to me spew my bitterness and hatred for 30 minutes over the phone, my mother and i had this conversation:

"where does all of this anger come from? what happened to make you so, so angry?"
"i don't know, mom. i am just a bad person."
"oh, dorotha, i am going to give you one m&m everytime you say something positive."
"you aren't here, mom."
"i will send some in the mail."
"if you do that, i will eat the entire bag at once. i have no self-control."
"perhaps i should give them to your co-workers..."
"not a bad idea, mom. feel free."

my co-workers and jon do not think this is a bad idea. in fact, on friday at work, i received 2 m&ms and two hershey's kisses.

my question is this: do you think that jeff and my mother have been talking? i think so.

* i am very, very ignorant about politics. i've got no excuse.

Labels: i suck, sour

now that i have a grown up job, i have to think about my future. when i was a grad student and expected to one day be a professor, i just put parts of my growing up on hold, thinking that one day i would just magically have a planned out life. i know that the 2 professors who might read my blog probably* think i am a nut job for saying that. unfortunately, now that it is entirely unlikely that i will be an academic, i have to think about what i am going to do with my life. i can't just think assistant, associate, full. i have to think about the fact that my career may not just advance in a magical way. i have to think about what i want to do.** and, i am suddenly thinking about how i will never be able to retire and about how i will never pay off the debts that i have aquired.***

anyway, i guess what i wanted to say is this: thank the heavens i do not want to have children. i do not see how i could possibly handle planning my life and the lives of any other hangers on. so, don't give me kids. i just can't take it.

* probably? let's be realistic. i know they think i am a nut job. i am a nut job.

** i hate this. i know what i want to do. sociologist.

*** debt depresses me. especially because i had a whopping zero dollars of debt before i started grad school. for various reasons, fiscal irresponsibilty, not making a lot of money, etc., i have a chunk of debt that will loom over me for a long time. and my debt is so pointless because my degree is so pointless. i'm not even sure that i have grown as a person. i don't even know if i have actually aged.

Labels: complaining, sour, work

i am a super hero. did you know?



the incredible sulk. imagine the strength of my powers. do not taunt me as i may sulk out.

Labels: i suck, sad, sour