the wrong side of the bed

my friend jon gets up at six to walk to school everyday. then he works. and then he goes home around five and relaxes. it is amazing, if you ask me. i don't know how to do this. i admire his ability to focus on a particular task when there are distractions all around.

i walked to school with him this morning. he's a quiet guy. i'm hyper in the morning. i'm irritating all day long. i supplied a constant flow of babble to which he would occassionally respond with a small laugh or a grunt of acknowledgement. i felt like a yippy little dog running in circles around him. gwen stefani scares me of late, but i wouldn't mind hiring and entourage. i need a lot of attention, though not necessarily from hot asian girls.

i bought the new tegan and sara album because i saw them perform live and they are adorable. i didn't think their music was all that great, but after buying the cd, i have to say that i am quite smitten. seriously. i'm in love. it kind of hurts. how can't i be in love with this?


where does the good go

where do you go with your broken heart in tow
what do you do with the left over you
and how do you know, when to let go
where does the good go, where does the good go
look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive
look me in the heart and tell me you won't go
look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love
look me in the heart and un break broken, it won't happen
it's love that breaks the seal of always thinking you would be
real, happy and healthy, strong and calm, where does the good go
where does the good go
where do you go when you're in love and the world knows
how do you live so happily while I am sad and broken down
what do you say it's up for grabs now that you're on your way down
where does the good go, where does the good go


i just don't know how i am supposed to do the things i need to do when i am wondering where the good goes. help me out here.

holy crap! after all that hoopla yesterday about my hair, i got too tired to dye it. maybe tonight. if you are lucky.

i changed my mind. i'm going red tonight.

i have this problem that you probably don't know about. i sometimes become obsessed with my hair. when i was in high school, i had hair down to the middle of my back. the only thing people ever complimented me on was my thick, beautiful hair. i've pretty much spent all of my time since high school brutalizing my hair in various ways while at the same time retaining a certain vanity about it. hence the relentless posting about my hair today. i just can't stop thinking about it. how will it look? am i making the right decision?

anyway, i like it red and it is easier to go from red to black. i will keep it red through monrovia's wedding, and then it will go black for the summer. i love black hair in the summer. it is my tiny way of saying "fuck you!" to the sun.

everyone is saying black. i can't decide and i am too lethargic to move. i will wait one more day to dye my hair. one more.

a few days ago a friend of mine told me some things that were rather upsetting. maybe cruel is a better word, i dunno. anyway, it wasn't pleasant. one of the things that s/he said was that i was about three days away from not being able to get any "action" from the opposite sex (i believe it was limited to men, but i might be wrong). why? because my roots are coming in and i need to dye my hair red again. yes, soon i will be an unlovable brownhead instead of a spicy hot redhead. beastly ugly dorotha with her dreary brown hair and big ass. imagine me trolling the bars looking for unattached hotties while sporting glasses, small tits, too much junk in the trunk, and 2 inch brown roots. i almost hope they don't let me in to the various night spots around town!

sometimes being ugly makes me really angry. sometimes i want to be defiantly ugly. what? people like skinny folks? i'm gonna eat a tub of butter. did you say women should have long hair? out comes the clippers. right now i don't know what to do, though. i have 3 packages of hairdye in my apartment: a really bold red, a more "natural" looking red, and black. i want my hair red a little while longer, but now that i know that i can no longer expect any play ever unless i have red hair, apparently the only thing that redeems me in the eyes of potential sex partners, i have this urge to go black.

it is hard to be the ugly girl, especially when i can't seem to be ugly enough to satisfy my rebellious streak. don't tell me what to do.

um... ick?

i do not understand people. i am completely at a loss. i feel like not only do i have really poor social skills, but that everyone around me is just as effed up. seriously, are we adults?

anyway, i noticed this article today. could something more accurately describe my childhood? could it?

haven't accomplished anything (ever?) this weekend. it isn't the worst thing i've ever done, i guess, but i've only ever done a couple of really bad things. i have been very unproductive many, many times. add them up and i'm not such a good thing anymore.

now i am listening to music that is making me feel out of control. at least i'm not just listening to all of the sad music i have. okay, i'm lying. it is the same music i listen to when sad, it is just reinforcing the feelings of out-of-control-ness that i am experiencing insted of the sadness that i am usually afflicted with.

i used to host a radio show ostensibly for children. only old men listened to it. i wonder if i should put some of those cds in the rotation. i wonder if it would cheer me up or just make me more crazy.

i should start listening to vapid pop music.

ang has accused me of stealing a madonna CD from her during yesterday's junk swap. i assure you that i did not. i only stole* from autumn. so there.

* her remaining homestarrunner figures, bubs, pom pom, the cheat, and strong mad are now mine!

sort of like this, but not quite

i volunteered to do something beyond unpleasant and, as a result, yesterday was a very icky day for me. to say the least. ugh. but so many people were nice to me, too. i got a new notepad, dinner, and a suprise from someone secret! who left me the "grow a dork" outside of my apartment door? thank you very much. we are growing him in my office. assuming the cup hasn't been knocked over by an impromptu frisbie game. you never know.