the wrong side of the bed

i really feel like this might be the only way i can make it through the day.

anyway, i'm sorry i've been quiet. i haven't had much to say. i've felt like posting angry little posts, but i haven't been angry enough to actually do it.

remember this post from last month? the one in which i confess confusion over the reccent onslaught of led zeppling shirts? yeah, well, i figured out why so many college kids are wearing this shirt and it isn't pretty. thanks a lot, whichever duke brother you are.

i just realized that i no longer cringe when i hear people say so-SHE-ology instead of so-SEE-ology. in fact, i don't even really notice the difference. what else have i become more tolerant of? what should i work on next?

i'm kind of excited about this.

... but this looks pretty good, no?

i am 80% sure that i am going to take a leave. i wish i could live with my nephew. i wish i were with my family.

my mother and i were just talking and she compared grad school to her time in the convent. it was hard for her to leave, too, but she just didn't believe in god. comte said that sociologists would be the priests of the new religion of humanity. i am willing to be a priest. i would devote my life. i just need a little flexibility. i'm just tired of waking up for morning prayers.

i think my friend sent this to me because of my reccent posts. this is why i am drawn to this particular friend. thank you.

41% of quizilla respondents got the same result that i did. hmmm.... is it because i said that there was a book of edgar alan poe detective stories on my bedstand? it is a lie. i read tons of poe in high school, though, and it seemed to fit the best. maybe it is because, somehow, quizilla knows just how much i hate to write.


You are Jacques Lacan! Arguably the most important
psychoanalyst since Freud, you never wrote
anything down, and the only works of yours are
transcriptions of your lectures. You are
notoriously difficult to understand, but at
least you didn't talk about the penis as much
as other psychoanalysts. You died in 1981.


What 20th Century Theorist are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

if you really want to know, when it comes right down to it, i have really only ever dated one person. one. one. one. one person total. one. well, at least i only have had one boyfriend that would ever really own up to it.*

his current girlfriend also makes stuffed animals. that are better than mine. thank you, world, for making everyone better than me.

*thank you for owning up to it. much obliged.

my homework from group therapy is to come up with some positive things to say to myself to combat my negative inner dialogue. the only one i thought of on my own was to say to myself that i am trying. i found some more on the internet. i am going to write them down on some notecards. i am going to do this despite the incredible gag factor of daily affirmations. sorry cynics of the world, but i am at my wits end.

i am trying to improve my psychological well being
i am trying to be nicer to others
i am trying to get through grad school

jeremy, i hope this works. i hope i get out of the vicious cycle you posted on your blog.

jon, maybe eventually this will help me beat what you think of as my dependancy on the man's drugs.

constance, i love you. you have been the single most supportive person in my grad school career. you believe in me and tell me that i am smart almost daily. i could do with more friends like you. i could also do to be a friend like you.

careyoke and tlb, i love you, too. thank you so much for jumping to my defense when i was attacked by unknown departmental entities yesterday. if i were a hobbit, i would want you both to be my samwise gamgee.

sean, henry, carole, and monrovia, you are all amazing. having distant friends is sad and i miss you, but i love to think about you living your lives from austin to brooklyn. you make me feel connected to something larger than my little madison life.

if you are my friend, and i have left you off of these comments, please do not be offended. it just means that i am reflecting still on our relationship.

don't worry, all. i am not saying these things in preparation for some grand exit. i am just settling myself in for a battle. i am taking stock of what i have before i begin.

man, i should be on live journal so i could hide this post from all but my closest friends. well, maybe no one is reading this blog. i will probably delete this post shortly.

how does a person even apply for a real job? what do you do to get one? am i qualified to do anything that will actually enable me to have health insurance?

nothing i could do would make constance even try on these pants. they are clearly awesome! too bad they didn't come in my size.

according to the commercials for the movie, RENT defined a generation. was it mine? i kind of hope not, because, if it did, i totally missed out. totally.

i kind of think that my generation was defined by transformers: the movie.

i don't think you all know enough about me. i want us to feel closer. please, get to know some of the important people in my life. this is montgomery gerard leblanc. we have been friends for about 8 years.

yesterday at my favorite corner store, my favorite employee was wearing a shirt for the Scrapbook Superstore. you know, the scrapbooking store out by Maharaja on the east side? we started talking and he loves that strip mall, too. Stamping Jazzy Style (the other scrapbooking store), Salvation Army, some Christian store, Head Cases salon, and the new adult toy store... we talked about all of them. i am so glad that someone else shares the same favorite strip mall with me. i am so glad that someone is my favorite corner store employee. you know, once i saw him at a show for a band i like. do you think it could be love? might he be my soul mate?

i would like to thank the friend of mine who reminded me last night to be gentler with my self. this is a very nice suggestion, and i will certainly try.

these are my two best friends. i sleep with them at night. irene has one eye and eight arms. cecil has no eyes ans six arms.


yesterday, constance and i found some new friends to hug.


but, i came home to my two true loves.

so, that picture of the marzipan baby that i posted a few days ago? not the one with the technicolor blankie, but the more realistic looking one? yeah, it isn't made out of marzipan. as AK reported, it is a hoax. it's made from silicone clay (like sculpey or fimo).











but, i don't get it.

why would someone start a hoax, urban legend, or joke like this? it isn't actually funny. i mean, why not marzipan babies? why the hell not? it is just so goofy to lie about it. well, anonymous hoaxter, you got me. i'm just another rube.

henry found this marzipan baby for me. yeah, i am definitely not going to have anything to do with the construction of marzipan babies that look like this. why is his scrotum so big?

congratulations connie, on your first job interview! you are a grown-up! my parents would be so proud.

this is from simpleton -
this baby is made from marzipan. should i learn how to make these?

update: in case it escaped your noticed, she's anatomically correct.

i'm going to group therapy these days. i actually enjoy it and even find it useful. if nothing else, it gives me perspective on my issues. plus, it makes me feel validated about my anxiety problems since i seem to have more panic attacks than the rest of the crew. yay! i'm an expert! anyway, yesterday we talked about saying daily affirmations. i almost puked all over myself, but i've decided, what the hell, to give it a try. it can't hurt. and maybe it will make me laugh.

trouble is, i can't think of many affirming things to say.

i wonder if looking at this picture of a baby pangolin will help me?


thank the omega point, or that invisible pink unicorn, or what-have-you for henry, who found this picture for me.