the wrong side of the bed

i have other, more distressing news, but i will tell you about my brain instead. i get to go to the neuropsychologist on october 3rd. the testing will take 4-6 hours. i'm not really sure what i will be doing and the woman who scheduled my appointment was not terribly forthcoming with information. i am happy to go and they can do whatever they want to me. within reason.

i'm afraid that my medications keep me up past my bed time. i am always exhausted, but when i go to sleep, i don't actually go to sleep. i need to stop taking my pills before i go to bed. even though the label on the side of the container indicates that i may experience drowsiness. big fucking lie. i plan to be a zombie tomorrow, which is great because i have to chair a meeting at 8:00 pm and then possibly go home and bake a cake.

Labels: epilepsy, tired

no, not so much. i feel sort of anxious-sick. work is stressful lately. my team is not living up to the goals, objectives, indicators, and whatnot. makes it hard to be happy. i come into work singing, but at the end of the day i am always scowling. too many meetings and too many other responsibilities. i'm not entirely sure what people in offices do with this. how do you get rid of that horrible feeling of not caring that much about your job but being expected to care about your job and it is your job so you better fucking do it?

so, yeah, i'm not in love anymore. i was pretty hyper and peppy this weekend, but that's kind of done for the week. i'm tired and down. i mean, i washed dishes and i am doing laundry, so that is sort of like being productive, but i really don't feel like doing anything else. i could probably bring myself to sew something.

i don't know. give me something else to be in love with. i think i am going to get rid of a plant, so don't ask me to love a plant. it is dying so i am going to give it to jon. not because i am going to be all like "here's a dead plant, fuck face!" more like, "dude, i can't take care of this, maybe you can since you seem to suddenly enjoy plants". so, give me something else to love. i don't want a mammal either.

i do still like my future roommate. i think. but i just like her, i don't like like her.

Labels: jon, things are relative, tired, trying to be positive, work

lately i have been making myself stay awake until i can barely keep my eyes open just so that i am not left lying in my bed, thinking, thinking, thinking. i used to have insomnia when i was a kid. this is just another flowers for algernon moment for me.

Labels: stubborn, tired