the wrong side of the bed
Thursday, September 30, 2004
oh, dorotha, you silly thing!
sometimes i can't stop listening to just one song over and over. this is what i am doing now. i want to be lying on the floor, just staring at the ceiling, and listening to this song. it isn't even a particularly good song. but it is earnest. i like earnesty in music. it is good in people to, i suppose.
1:41 PM
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i'm stealing back to the same old used to be
i was thinking about my favorite cardigan the other day. it is grey with burgandy buttons. there was a time in my life when i wore it almost every day. there was also a time in my life in which i wore cardigans everyday that was even remotely cold. this was texas. i wore cardigans when it was in the 80's. this morning i put on about six different outfits before settling on the one i am wearing (it is quite odd, btw). i kept thinking, if only i had more cardigans! why did i get rid of my cardigans? why do i get rid of anything?
my friend molly used to have a green cardigan. it was soft and fuzzy. it was a little bit short. we traded cardigans for one week. i wore hers every day and she wore mine. i loved my cardigan more.
today i was googling myself. i found a post on a blog in which someone was actually looking for me. this is what it said:
Dorotha Harried if you are out there in the universe, this is your beacon. You spent 3 weeks dying your hair daily to get it the right shade of sea-foam green to match the bridesmaids dress for your sister's wedding and it was fabulous with barrettes and ribbons covered with glued-on paper cranes. You have style. Where did you go? Now you could have dyed your eyes too...
molly, this is you! you are looking for me! i haven't seen you in years. are you still wearing your green cardigan?
my friend molly used to have a green cardigan. it was soft and fuzzy. it was a little bit short. we traded cardigans for one week. i wore hers every day and she wore mine. i loved my cardigan more.
today i was googling myself. i found a post on a blog in which someone was actually looking for me. this is what it said:
Dorotha Harried if you are out there in the universe, this is your beacon. You spent 3 weeks dying your hair daily to get it the right shade of sea-foam green to match the bridesmaids dress for your sister's wedding and it was fabulous with barrettes and ribbons covered with glued-on paper cranes. You have style. Where did you go? Now you could have dyed your eyes too...
molly, this is you! you are looking for me! i haven't seen you in years. are you still wearing your green cardigan?
1:21 PM
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Wednesday, September 29, 2004
such a good feeling to know your alive
god, i am really tired right now. it is making my eyes sting. i have a hacking cough that i picked up in my overcrowded office. i'm barely going to finish my homework in time for my (stupid) women's studies class today. still, i feel alright. i think it might be knowing that i only have 1 plate and 7 drink receptacles in my sink. maybe i should stop living in filth like an animal.
1:35 PM
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Tuesday, September 28, 2004
everything is wrong
i really hate my life right now. interestingly, and unusually for me, this isn't accompanied by huge amounts of self-loathing. oh, don't get me wrong, i totally hate myself. i just hate myself at my baseline level. but my life? ah. that is truly where i should focus my ire.
i guess i am a little tired of fucking up. this morning, for example, i was supposed to take careyoke to the bus station. i slept through two alarms and she had to call me ten minutes prior to her departure time. careyoke ran the six blocks to my car (i only had to run three) trailing her luggage behind her. when we got to my car, she said, "all i can say is, you better have had a good time last night."
but, i didn't. i had a really dull time. a really fucking boring evening of watching stoners get stoned. yep. and now i am tired for no fucking worthwhile reason. i am done with my crush on my stoner. how wrong is it to think that i deserve a smart, funny, neurotic partner with glasses? my friends say that i am too picky, and it is sort of true that i almost never have crushes on anyone. i mean, you have to be pretty smart, funny, and neurotic to impress me. but, i am about to get pickier. no stoners. i don't care if you like comic books. i don't care if you have the same politics as me. i don't care if you have pretty brown eyes. i need to be fucking entertained.
whatever. see, i could turn this inward and say that i am the one who sucks. i mean, it has been forever since anyone has liked me. years. i'm annoying and hateful. these things are kind of negative. but, goddamnit, i will keep you fucking entertained. i will probably even cook for you and buy you toys.
where is old ben kenobe when you need him.
i guess i am a little tired of fucking up. this morning, for example, i was supposed to take careyoke to the bus station. i slept through two alarms and she had to call me ten minutes prior to her departure time. careyoke ran the six blocks to my car (i only had to run three) trailing her luggage behind her. when we got to my car, she said, "all i can say is, you better have had a good time last night."
but, i didn't. i had a really dull time. a really fucking boring evening of watching stoners get stoned. yep. and now i am tired for no fucking worthwhile reason. i am done with my crush on my stoner. how wrong is it to think that i deserve a smart, funny, neurotic partner with glasses? my friends say that i am too picky, and it is sort of true that i almost never have crushes on anyone. i mean, you have to be pretty smart, funny, and neurotic to impress me. but, i am about to get pickier. no stoners. i don't care if you like comic books. i don't care if you have the same politics as me. i don't care if you have pretty brown eyes. i need to be fucking entertained.
whatever. see, i could turn this inward and say that i am the one who sucks. i mean, it has been forever since anyone has liked me. years. i'm annoying and hateful. these things are kind of negative. but, goddamnit, i will keep you fucking entertained. i will probably even cook for you and buy you toys.
where is old ben kenobe when you need him.
7:19 AM
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Sunday, September 26, 2004
i am the childlike empress
careyoke is hosting small get together tonight. we are going to watch The Neverending Story. because careyoke and i are involved, there must be a theme. we have some magical things planned.
on another note, i had hoped to write a long post today about my life in new haven and a particular song that cracks me up, but i may not get the chance to post or to work on my incomplete. why must fun always supersede school for me? this is especially troublesome because the other day i broke down crying (again with careyoke) because i finally have decided that i want to stay in school. the thing i guess i want to do is also something that seems to make me miserable. hmmm.
on the other hand, i am not 100% committed. i would marry you and you could take care of me. that is another option. i will bring confusion, joy, and explosive bouts of grumpiness into your life and you can supply me with health insurance. um... i guess i would also buy you lots of comic books and toys. with your money. anyway, just think about it.
on another note, i had hoped to write a long post today about my life in new haven and a particular song that cracks me up, but i may not get the chance to post or to work on my incomplete. why must fun always supersede school for me? this is especially troublesome because the other day i broke down crying (again with careyoke) because i finally have decided that i want to stay in school. the thing i guess i want to do is also something that seems to make me miserable. hmmm.
on the other hand, i am not 100% committed. i would marry you and you could take care of me. that is another option. i will bring confusion, joy, and explosive bouts of grumpiness into your life and you can supply me with health insurance. um... i guess i would also buy you lots of comic books and toys. with your money. anyway, just think about it.
2:04 PM
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Tuesday, September 21, 2004
take this poll, just take it.
1:48 PM
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Monday, September 20, 2004
things i have learned today
1. do not eat rice while there are two gaping holes in your mouth. you don't even want to know about it.
2. stoners may be cute, but god can they be dull.
3. i am the only thing that can stop my anxiety.
2. stoners may be cute, but god can they be dull.
3. i am the only thing that can stop my anxiety.
11:27 PM
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i am all talk
here's the thing: i've been practicing unnecessary touch. what is this and why am i engaging in it? well, the truth is, i'm a terrible flirt. when i was in high school, the way i would indicate that i was into someone was to fold them origami cranes from gum wrappers. this was not successful. in college, my approach was that if i liked a person, i would just never meet their eyes. again, no luck with that approach. my current way of expressing interest is to be incredible cruel to the object of my affection in public settings. or just being mean and snarky and a little bit spazzy. no go, i'm telling you. so my friends have tried to get me to practice unnecessary touch. what they had intended was to have me touch peoples' arms when i laugh at their (probably lame) jokes and things like that. what has actually happened is that i can't seem to stop touching my friends now. it is getting to the point that everyone except for careyoke is creeped out by me. i mean, i licked the top of my friend peter's head at a party on saturday. that is certainly within the bounds of unnecessary, but sheesh! it's pretty fucking gross.
so, basically i hope that my new mode of flirting is not going to involve giving lots of wet willies.*
also, i hope i am not losing my mind, but that is another story.
*you know what those are, right? when you lick your finger and stick it in someone's ear. super gross.
so, basically i hope that my new mode of flirting is not going to involve giving lots of wet willies.*
also, i hope i am not losing my mind, but that is another story.
*you know what those are, right? when you lick your finger and stick it in someone's ear. super gross.
1:06 PM
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huh
i am wondering this morning exactly whose life i am living. it doesn't seem to be my own. i ought to get more sleep. whoever i am, i definitely need more sleep.
9:17 AM
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Sunday, September 19, 2004
oh, you've got the darkest eyes
i was listening to sleater-kinney's "dig me out" on the way to school just now. i can't express how much i love that album. it was difficult for me not to dance* on my way to school.
don't say the word
if you don't want it done
don't tell me your name
if you don't want it sung
don't come any closer
that's good enough
don't go away
can't stand the thought
*not dancing so much as nodding my head. and maybe occasionally and surreptitiously air drumming.
don't say the word
if you don't want it done
don't tell me your name
if you don't want it sung
don't come any closer
that's good enough
don't go away
can't stand the thought
*not dancing so much as nodding my head. and maybe occasionally and surreptitiously air drumming.
2:11 PM
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Saturday, September 18, 2004
things are going from bad to worse
well... IKEA has finally let me down. my mom insisted i get a new frame for my futon mattress so that i can use it as a couch now that i have my new and completely awesome bed. so, the futon frame i got, Grankulla, is insanely difficult to put together and has about 1,873 pieces. and things are drilled right so screws and nails are not going in properly. oh. how am i supposed to endure this day?
1:04 PM
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youth and all its charms
dorotha, how did it go with your crush last night? oh, well. let's just say that i am listening to the softies and eating cookies for breakfast. i wish i hadn't thought it would work out, you know. i must go back to having crushes on people who are clearly unattainable.
on another note, does anyone want to spend the day buying used books, going to comic book stores and browsing music shops? yep. i'll buy you lunch if you pretend to be my friend for an afternoon.
on another note, does anyone want to spend the day buying used books, going to comic book stores and browsing music shops? yep. i'll buy you lunch if you pretend to be my friend for an afternoon.
9:12 AM
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Friday, September 17, 2004
the dorky apple does not fall far from the dorky tree
my dad NEVER emails me. okay, that's a lie. sometimes, a week after i send an email, he will respond "hi dorrie-mouse. study hard!" so, imagine my suprise this morning when i found an email from Dr. Harried in my inbox. not only did he send this to me, but my brother, sister, uncle and grandparents as well.
Check out this website on Leonardo. He was quite a guy.
http://www.museoscienza.org/english/
yes, leonardo was quite a guy.
Check out this website on Leonardo. He was quite a guy.
http://www.museoscienza.org/english/
yes, leonardo was quite a guy.
9:03 AM
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Thursday, September 16, 2004
what rock have i been hiding under?
i spoke to my little brother on the phone a little bit ago. he and The Small Grey Thing are staying with my parents because they were evacuated from new orleans. Monkey Boy had given some Dr. Who DVDs for my dad's reccent birthday and they were watching some this evening. Monkey Boy let slip that they had just watched the episode on which the terrible movie Stargate was based. what? how come i didn't know this?
10:30 PM
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and besides you're probably holding hands with some skinny pretty girl who likes to talk about bands
so, stupid me, i have a crush. it has been a lot of work on my part cultivating this. i have to obsessively check my email* and worry about whether my crush will still see me when my face is swollen from my wisdome tooth ordeal. i guess it is going okay. at first i wasn't even sure i wanted to have a crush. i mean, i have been single for almost 4 years! a girl gets used to her freedom. on the other hand, i get no snuggles. never! sometimes reba will let me hug her, but only if she is desperate. i'm like a monkey being raised by a wire mother. still, i don't really have to accomodate anybody else and their stupid opinions or ways of doing things. and i get to sleep in ridiculous nightclothes that i wouldn't let other humans see me in.
anyway, i've resigned myself to having this crush and i seem to be making a fair amount of progress. i think the person my actually like me back! careyoke offered to pass a "do you like me? yes or no" note, but i haven't taken her up on it. my main problem now is getting something to actually happen. there is a fair amount of emailing, but not much interaction in which we share physical proximity. how? how do i get this to happen?
my friend is having a party this friday. should i ask my crush? how should i do it? what should i say? i need your help now more than ever!
* okay, so i forgot my footnote when i first published this. how do i let things like this happen? sloppy, dorotha, sloppy! anyway, what i meant to say was this: how is it possible to tell when i am obsessively checking my email when i check my email pretty much constantly while i am at school and multiple times per day when i am at home? i'm not sure. i think the key is that i actively update the messages/refresh the page/check the mail when i am being obsessive about it. on normal days, i wait for the default 5 minutes and allow the program to do it on its own.
anyway, i've resigned myself to having this crush and i seem to be making a fair amount of progress. i think the person my actually like me back! careyoke offered to pass a "do you like me? yes or no" note, but i haven't taken her up on it. my main problem now is getting something to actually happen. there is a fair amount of emailing, but not much interaction in which we share physical proximity. how? how do i get this to happen?
my friend is having a party this friday. should i ask my crush? how should i do it? what should i say? i need your help now more than ever!
* okay, so i forgot my footnote when i first published this. how do i let things like this happen? sloppy, dorotha, sloppy! anyway, what i meant to say was this: how is it possible to tell when i am obsessively checking my email when i check my email pretty much constantly while i am at school and multiple times per day when i am at home? i'm not sure. i think the key is that i actively update the messages/refresh the page/check the mail when i am being obsessive about it. on normal days, i wait for the default 5 minutes and allow the program to do it on its own.
2:50 PM
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Sunday, September 12, 2004
macy's thanksgiving day parade
my face is fricking huge right now. drek warned me about waking up with a mouthful of blood, but how come nobody said, "oh, and by the way, you will look really, really ugly for a few days." when i was doing the robot in the car for my mom, i turned to her and she looked stunned. "i don't even recognize your face," she said. i'm so puffy and weird looking that my own mother can't see me in me anymore.
if you want proof, look at this. i'm the one with no discernible chin.
if you want proof, look at this. i'm the one with no discernible chin.
7:41 AM
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Friday, September 10, 2004
the silent treatment
i really, really, really keep meaning to blog, but then i don't. i swear i'm trying. but, you won't hear from me for the rest of the day despite my good intentions. i'm getting my wisdom teeth removed. after that, i plan to sort of lie on the couch and drool.
my mom is hear to help me out. i've already accidently said "weird-ass" and "fucking" in front of her. what will i say when i am all doped up?
i told my mom that she could post to my blog, but she isn't going to.
my mom is hear to help me out. i've already accidently said "weird-ass" and "fucking" in front of her. what will i say when i am all doped up?
i told my mom that she could post to my blog, but she isn't going to.
7:31 AM
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Wednesday, September 08, 2004
just not the same
i don't know what it is, but ever since i moved, i haven't been able to blog. maybe i just am not settled yet. my friend sean once blamed his (pretty mild, all things told) year long depressive slump on a cross town move, and i always made fun of him for it. now i am regretting my words. i'm not depressed, just not yet comfortable in my new skin. add to that the beginning of a new semester! i don't know when i will be able to once again delight my public with pithy rants and witty raves!
i will, however, give you a teaching tip that i heard from steph and jamie tonight. if you are talking too much in class, or have some how gotten mired down in giving instructions for an assignment, loudly tell your students to go and they will hop to and do whatever work it is that needs to be done. i hope, though i didn't ask, that this also works with discussion. on a similar note, i am happy to report that i have the most talkative students that i have ever experienced so far this semester! seriously! a student today asked me a question and another student actually said, "may i try to answer that?" go for it, kids! if i never have to talk or prepare for class again, i will be the luckiest TA on bascom hill.
i will, however, give you a teaching tip that i heard from steph and jamie tonight. if you are talking too much in class, or have some how gotten mired down in giving instructions for an assignment, loudly tell your students to go and they will hop to and do whatever work it is that needs to be done. i hope, though i didn't ask, that this also works with discussion. on a similar note, i am happy to report that i have the most talkative students that i have ever experienced so far this semester! seriously! a student today asked me a question and another student actually said, "may i try to answer that?" go for it, kids! if i never have to talk or prepare for class again, i will be the luckiest TA on bascom hill.
9:45 PM
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Monday, September 06, 2004
i want candy!
the other day at the grocery store, on a whim, i bought some bubble gum. it was (unfortunately) sugar free bubble yum. good for blowing bubbles, but the taste is a bit off. today i purchased regular (yay!) bubble yum and some rain-blo gum. rain-blo has the tendency to get stuck on your face after the bubbles pop, but tastes sooooo tooth-rotting-ly good! anyway, My 1950's Dad and i are chewing away as we read our respective sociological texts here in our office. i got gum stuck in my hair for a bit, but Dad didn't seem to notice.
chewing bubble gum makes me feel like a kid. i guess kids do chew more bubble gum than adults, but why? what makes blowing bubbles undistinguished? i'm going to fight this tooth and nail. expect to see me wandering the halls of social science smacking loudly with sweet bubbles bursting in my face. i am a trendsetter and expect to see tenured faculty members shortly following suit.
chewing bubble gum makes me feel like a kid. i guess kids do chew more bubble gum than adults, but why? what makes blowing bubbles undistinguished? i'm going to fight this tooth and nail. expect to see me wandering the halls of social science smacking loudly with sweet bubbles bursting in my face. i am a trendsetter and expect to see tenured faculty members shortly following suit.
2:07 PM
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Sunday, September 05, 2004
walking after midnight, before midnight, exactly at midnight...
so, i just got back from my second walk of the day. this one was more leisurely but, given the humidity level, just as sweaty. ick. yet somehow i feel better. walking is good when i am restless and confused. i was, but now i am less so.
9:39 PM
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it's such a good feeling to know your alive
this morning as i went to meet lisa lisa and careyoke for our walk, who should drive up to the end of my block but michelle! she gave me fresh chevre from her friends dairy farm and some triscuits. then she drove away. sometimes i think that if i left unfinished shoes around my apartment michelle would sneak in and cobble them like the little brownie she is.
as we were walking, i also found two quarters. i think this is a good sign.
you should do something nice for me so that my day would be a complete success.
as we were walking, i also found two quarters. i think this is a good sign.
you should do something nice for me so that my day would be a complete success.
11:49 AM
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Friday, September 03, 2004
things that i am stewards of
i am not a steward for my department this year, thank goodness. i am done volunteering for the union. my spirit has been crushed just about enough, thank you. i am like the mint in a mint julep. this afternoon i am doing a tiny bit of work for the union, and i expect the pestle to come down pretty hard.
i am not a steward for katy's heart. i think she does a fine job of it on her own, though she may be left stinging sometimes. katy is very good at letting people in, and i hope that i am there at least a little bit.
i am not a steward for katy's heart. i think she does a fine job of it on her own, though she may be left stinging sometimes. katy is very good at letting people in, and i hope that i am there at least a little bit.
10:37 AM
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save a secret for the moon
i tell people that i have no boundaries, and mostly i don't, but there are a couple of things i fiercely protect. this morning i woke up sad about one of them. sad and defeated and hopeless. it is days like these that i just want to listen to sad music and sit with a downward turn to my mouth. when people ask me what is wrong, i will sigh heavily and say, "nothing." nothing is wrong anyway.
this morning on my walk, i wanted sympathy from careyoke and lisa lisa, so i told them i was upset with my life and that i felt stupid and that school had me down. by the end of the walk, i truly was upset about these things. i feel like i get uglier, lazier, stupider, etc. every day. i really ought to be doing something with my life while i still have the resources of youth with which to accomplish my (some? anyone's?) goals.
i am not an academic; i am a child. why can't i just be a child? i want to watch cartoons and eat ice cream until i am ridiculously fat and round. i want to have tea parties even though i hate tea.
this morning on my walk, i wanted sympathy from careyoke and lisa lisa, so i told them i was upset with my life and that i felt stupid and that school had me down. by the end of the walk, i truly was upset about these things. i feel like i get uglier, lazier, stupider, etc. every day. i really ought to be doing something with my life while i still have the resources of youth with which to accomplish my (some? anyone's?) goals.
i am not an academic; i am a child. why can't i just be a child? i want to watch cartoons and eat ice cream until i am ridiculously fat and round. i want to have tea parties even though i hate tea.
9:03 AM
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Thursday, September 02, 2004
my fellow americans
because i know i am going to get a lot of shit about this tomorrow, i thought i would preemptively remind my readers that the prez is not really a texan. please remember that he was born in new haven, CT.* texans aren't all bad people anyway. they don't all carry guns either.
* okay, okay. i was born there, too. but some of us from the nutmeg state are pretty good.
* okay, okay. i was born there, too. but some of us from the nutmeg state are pretty good.
10:09 PM
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leave those kids alone
it is the first day of school today, and i nearly forgot until someone mentioned it yesterday afternoon. still, i am doing better than autumn who called me 10:30 last night to ask if school began today and what time we needed to get there. i then had to go over, pack her a lunch, and help her pick out an outfit. i am really not looking forward to the holiday season. autumn will surely ask me to take her shopping for teacher presents. i should just start buying scented candles now.
7:51 AM
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