the wrong side of the bed

on thursday, my car flooded in a terrifying storm. it wasn't nearly as bad as when connie's car flooded a month ago (or so), but it will still cost money to fix. one thing i don't have a lot of is money. however, i'm in a better place than a woman down the street. her car was parked 3 cars closer to the epicenter of the flood. her seats were soaked, but mine didn't get wet. the damage to her car is much worse. on top of that, last night someone smashed in her back window. they didn't steal anything, they just smashed it in.

i'm trying to be more positive. i suggested to her that maybe they were really trying to help air her car out.

Labels: sympathy, trying to be positive

i think i have the best family i have ever met. my parents are generous and supportive (for the most part). my brother and sister and i are close. i want to live near my family. i love my nephew. my in-laws are pretty good, too.

i was just thinking about how my brother and sister and i often end our phone conversations by stating our familial relationship. "you are my brother!" "you are my sister!"

then i remembered that my sister often calls me "sister-friend." i think that is sweet. i'm glad my siblings and i are friends, too.

Labels: family, trying to be positive

24 days since my last seizure. that seems pretty good! well, except i have been having them farther and farther apart. it was about twenty days in between the last two. still.... keep your fingers crossed for me, okay?

Labels: epilepsy, trying to be positive

taken from geek under fire: potbellied piggies beat the heat.

Labels: animals, cute, good things

on the phone with my ex-boyfriend this morning, i delivered a lengthy account of my trials and tribulations yesterday.

"...and then i had to pick up a trash bag covered with maggots!"
"last week in bushwick there was a bad thunderstorm. all of the rats were squealing all night long."

Labels: gross, sean, things are relative

so, me and some other soc grads* are having a garage sale. technically, it is not in a garage, but that is what i am calling it anyway. i'm trying to cull through my junk and get rid of some things that take up my life. this is hard for me because i am a collector. do you know how much stationery i have? a ridiculous amount for someone who writes 10 letters a year. maybe i should do something about my sticker collection, too. ridiculous for an adult. i've been trying lately to actually use these things, but it is difficult.

this is a list of things i collect:

eggplants (not actual eggplants. representations of eggplants.)
lenticular** items
stationery
playmobil
stickers
toys of various sorts
old science books (that i then destroy for crafting purposes)
old cookbooks from the '60s (that have barftacular pictures)
clips
lotions
every letter or postcard i receive, no matter how insignificant (not those from businesses)
converse (not that actively, because shoes are expensive. still, how many feet do i think i have?)
earrings
prescription bottles (madison doesn't recycle these. i keep thinking i can do something with them.)
notebooks
comic books
dirty tupperware
debt***

* some of these soc grads are actually legit, unlike myself.
** look it up.
*** feel free to make a cash donation

Labels: collections

i am a super hero. did you know?



the incredible sulk. imagine the strength of my powers. do not taunt me as i may sulk out.

Labels: i suck, sad, sour

mid-80's, when i was in 4th and 5th grade, rabbit fur coats were the in thing. the most popular girls all had them. my strangely sexual 5th grade language arts teacher had one. i never wanted one because that was around the time i started really, really, really wanting a pet rabbit. i did, however, save up money from chores until i had enough to buy a bomber jacket at sam's club. ew. what were we thinking? seems like fashion is now being reintroduced in increasingly short cycles. i hope this is one that does not come back.

Labels: fashion, gross

today at rocky rococo's, connie and i saw a girl with a confederate flag baseball cap. she wasn't wearing it, it was just on that ledge thingy behind the headrests in the backseat. it prompted a continuation of a discussion that we've been having ever since we saw the confederate flag cornhole set. though it seems somehow impossible to us, it seems as though people really don't associate the confederate flag with racism. i do and i'm from the south!* maybe this is just what my parents taught me. maybe other people just think it is about southern pride. still, what is "southern pride?" and if it is just about pride, how come i've never seen an african american or latino wearing a confederate flag hat or belt buckle?

anyway, as many of you know, i am looking for a job. on the jobsinmadison website today, i found an interesting factoid. i've crudely highlighted the part that you should look at. you might want to click the image to make it bigger.





this makes the civil war sound like a game of capture the flag in which the south ultimately lost because they weren't hardy enough to withstand the cold.

i am beginning to wonder, really, really wonder, what the heck people think the civil war was about**, what they think being "northern" and "southern" means, what they think the "legacy of the civil war" is, and why we continue to think the things we do. on our walk this morning, jeff, connie and i were talking about history. jeff, a historian, was saying that much of what he is interested in the field is research starting in the 80's that tries to undo all of our misconceptions about history that we have woven through the ages. you know, like undoing all of the lies about pilgrims and founding fathers, etc. so, the next question i have is whether or not i am curious enough to look for books that might tell me what people in the north and south think about northern-ness and southern-ness. given that i am lazy, could someone just recommend a book for me?

* normally i would argue that texas isn't really the south, but, in this case, if i am honest, it really is. i mean, you could buy confederate flags from creepy stands on the side of the road. in houston, you could also buy parrots and gulf shrimp*** from vans on the side of the road. it always seemed like a very bad idea, especially the shrimp.

** as a middle school student, i was told that the civil war was about slavery as a racist institution, in junior high i believe i was told that it was about state's rights, in high school i think i was told that it was about slavery as an economic institution. in college, i didn't take too much history. i only know that texas history was required again! all hail that mighty state and whatnot.

*** the shrimp was from the galveston area. so is the juneteenth celebration. last night my girl scouts (mostly african american girls) and i were talking about juneteenth. madison has its own juneteenth celebration. i asked them if there were a lot of white people there this year. they said there were a few, but wondered why i was asking. i said that it was a holiday mostly celebrated by black people. but i couldn't remember what it was a celebration of! when did i become such an idiot? anyway, i got home and looked it up online. the emancipation proclamation went into effect in january of 1862, but many former confederate states didn't recognize this. on june 19th, 1863, federal troops arrived in galveston and sort of reiterated that slaves were to be freed. the former slaves were understandably relieved to hear this and there was widespread revelry. every year since then in texas there have been juneteenth celebrations. it has spread to other states, too.

this is how the order actually read: "The people of Texas are informed that, in accordance with a proclamation from the Executive of the United States, all slaves are free. This involves an absolute equality of personal rights and rights of property between former masters and slaves, and the connection heretofore existing between them becomes that between employer and hired labor. The freedmen are advised to remain quietly at their present homes and work for wages. They are informed that they will not be allowed to collect at military posts and that they will not be supported in idleness either there or elsewhere."

Labels: fucked up, south, texas, work

creatures

Labels: animals, awesomely awesome, cute

so, my life is pretty much stalled out. i've got no clue where i am or what i am doing. my little brother, on the other hand, is closing on a house today. yep. he will be a home owner today. additionally, he used the phrase "when we have kids..." today. my brother calls me little sister. four years older than he is, but i am the one who didn't mature at the right pace. so i am the baby of the family now.

Labels: family, i suck, pity party

today i was outdoors a great deal. despite having taken a shower, i still smell like sunscreen. despite having put on sunscreen, i still got a bit sunburned.

Labels: complaining

being awake in the middle of the night is not a good thing at all. one begins to feel old. one begins to see all of their flaws. the questions come pouring through one's head. are my parents disappointed in me? does he love me enough? why am i such an angry drunk? will i ever feel close, close, close to my friends again the way i did when i was young? where is my youth? how do people manage to spend so much time alone? why am i such a slob? why don't i ever finish things? what do i do with all of these sociology books? what am i doing with my life? how am i going to pay my rent? why did no one ever tell me how boring it is to be unemployed? where did i leave my checkbook?

Labels: i suck, pity party, questions, sad

in so many ways, this past year has been the easiest i have had in a long time in terms of depression. i mean, i get depressed when i should. when the situation calls for it. i haven't been sad for no reason. the reasons i am sad are completely valid.

this is what i started telling my neurologist this morning. i told him all of this after we discussed the long term possibility of excising a piece of my temporal lobe. i told him that i felt overwhelmed by all of this. i also told him that i was angry, but i think that my anger is valid, too. i mentioned grad school to him, and the problems that i am having with that. i told him that sometimes i feel like charlie in flowers for algernon, and he smiled a funny smile. i think if i had said one more thing, i would have burst into tears and clung to him.

i think i am beginning to have a little crush on my neurologist. this is normal, right? i think it even has a name. despite how common this might be, it sort of wigged my out that i might want to hug my doctor and cry my heart out.

you know you got it, child, if it makes you feel good.

Labels: epilepsy, sad

1. it always sounds funny to me when i say, "my neurologist..."

2. jon and i had a great idea tonight. a cd compliation of the originals of the songs weird al has parodied. well, he has an extensive discography, so maybe a "best of" sort of thing. jon said that he didn't want to have to sit through all of "lola" and "american pie." i like lola.

3. connie, jenna, and i were talking on friday about how greatful we are that we were in high school when grunge was really big. girls today must feel a hell of a lot of pressure about their bodies and clothes. when we were younger, we just threw on oversized t-shirts< with a flannel on top, and headed out the door! my favorite flannel was brown. i think i wore it twice a week. i had a very specific rotation.

4. the people in my neighborhood were obviously not raised by my mother. she would not be happy at all about the number of fireworks going off in the parking lot behind my house. someone could get hurt.

* jeremy points out that i have the wrong "their" in the title. oops. i make this mistake about 10 times a day. can't we just pick one? english blows chunks. i'm switching to esperanto.

Labels: friends, jeremy, jon

A: the farmer's market.

Labels: epilepsy